If You Were With Me Tonight
by Moonlight Enchantments
Summary: Season 12 spoilers. Neela and Michael have been married for two years, they left Chicago and County eighteen months ago. Things are going great, at least they would be if she wasn't haunted by memories of a certain exroommate, previously Haunting Memories
1. Neela, too many tears

**A/N Oh no, I hear you cry, she's back. That girl who is totally obsessed with all things ER, especially if it's vaguely to do with Ray and Neela. Well, its true I'm afraid! I can't help myself, I've told you's! So, here we go again. Nope, don't worry it's not the same story! I shall try to be original, though the amount of fantasmical stories in the Roomies c2 do make it hard! What to expect... well, a lot angst (as per my usual) and fluff, and um... yeah, what more does a story need? Lol! Hope you like anyway.**

**Background-ness: This is set two years after Neela married Michael. Everything happened the same in season 12 (I think that's the right season) except for the events in "The Gallant Hero and the Tragic Victor" and "21 guns". They're living in some place that isn't Chicago but is a couple of hours drive away, just close enough that I can throw in some visits, but far enough away that they'd be few and far between. If any one has any good ideas, I'm all ears but I don't know anywhere... Anyway! Everything would be running a lot smoother if memories of a certain Roomie would only stop haunting her. There shall be -as I've decided to make it my "thing"- alternate chapters from Neela, then Ray etc. **

**Disclaimer: Damn it, I don't own ER. It's such a damn shame... I would be a genius if I did, and that, I'm sure, would be fun! I've also decided that at the beginning of each chapter there will be a line or some lyrics or a quote or something that will summarise the chapter or a point of the chapter, but they will all be accredited. Although the full song or whatever probably has nothing to do with this story, it's basically something I thought went.**

**Had enough of me talking now? Me too!**

Chapter 1- Neela

"_If there's nothing missing in my life, then why do these tears come at night?" _

_-_Britney Spears "Lucky"

"Happy anniversary." I opened my eyes, sunlight pouring into the bedroom and saw Michael -my sweet husband, Michael- standing over me with a tray. I smiled and he sat down on the other side of the bed. I sat up, propping myself on pillows and he gave me the tray. There was a rose in a small vase, croissants and some orange juice. I couldn't help but thinking that a red rose was so cliché. I gave him a wide smile though, one I used so often these days -he probably thought it was real.

"Thank you, this is beautiful."

"Anything for my Neela," he said with a smile, kissing me on the cheek. "Can you believe it's been two years? We're practically an old married couple."

"We are an old married couple," I said, shaking my head with a smile. Don't get me wrong, I probably sound depressed or something, with my fake smiles. I'm not. I love Michael a lot, I just don't know if it's the right way you're meant to love a husband.

I ate a croissant and gave him one, "I don't have time for two, work."

He rolled his eyes, "You never have time to eat."

I shrugged, "I have to work hard, especially now. I really want to get accepted on the surgical rotation."

"I'm sorry Neela, if it wasn't for me you would already be on it."

He always apologised, it was wearing thin. "Michael, we got married, of course I was going to come with you when you moved out here. Even if it did mean leaving County. I know that you didn't want to, it wasn't your fault." If only you hadn't joined the army, I thought silently. When he'd got back from Iraq we'd had a couple of months before relocating. It had been one of the hardest things I'd ever done, but I left the home I'd made in Chicago so I could stay with my husband. So we would be a proper couple, for once. It had been strange at first, actually living together, but now we'd got into our own little routines and it was comforting to be stable for a while. I dreaded that a day would come when he said the army wanted him somewhere else.

He looked at me, sadly, "I can't help being sorry Neela."

"I know," I said, looking back at him equally sad. We'd both left things behind to come here, but sometimes I thought -in moments of anger- that I'd been the one who didn't gain anything. _Except a husband,_ the little voice I assumed was my concious would mutter, _You gained the perfect man, sweet, kind, everything you could ever wish for. _

But I still wished for someone else. Someone who was only a memory from my past.

I had to drive to the hospital, there wasn't an El because we weren't in a big city, just a vaguely big town. The hospital had a car park so it wasn't a problem but I used to enjoy the El. I could just sit there, and veg out, when I was driving I had to concentrate. Not good when I'd finished a double shift, something I was doing a lot more often. I needed to show I was dedicated. They still didn't know me here, even though I'd been here about eighteen months. I'd expected to go and be accepted, like I was at County. I'd expected jokes about my seriousness, and my tendency to repeat whole passages from textbooks when a simple sentence would do. But no, there was none of that, they were all their own people. They worked well together when they needed to, but they all preferred to be separate, none of them went for drinks after work, no-one was really friends, no-one had relationships with other members of staff and certainly none of them lived together. It was weird, and I wondered if I'd ever find a place like County again. It was so sad that I'd felt so at home at a hospital where I worked but I had. All the people were my friends and family. And now I didn't have them.

* * *

I got home and stepped straight into the shower. I was so tired, and covered in all sorts of gunk that just didn't bear thinking about. I hadn't got the surgical rotation. This guy called De Winters had, he'd been there longer for me, had more experience apparently. I sighed as the hot water burst over me. I didn't know what this meant. I'd been working towards this since we'd arrived, trying to get in the same place I'd been at County. Maybe it would be good if Michael got relocated, I could try again. But we'd probably be even further from Chicago then. 

I'd only been back for a visit once, when Abby had had her baby. It was a beautiful baby girl with raven hair, they'd called her Jasmyn. When I'd goneshe and Luka had looked exhausted, but they were beaming and giddy too. It was so sweet. I was so glad my friend was happy. We still regularly exchanged e-mails but whenever she was free I was busy and vice versa.

I got out the shower and wrapped myself in a towel, wrapping one round my head too. I padded into the master bedroom, I'd always thought that was an odd term, and sat on the bed. I towelled my hair and then went to my chest of drawers, searching for something to wear to bed. Michael was working so I had the house to myself, I wished I had something interesting planned but I just wanted to sleep. Maybe watch a little t.v first, but my priority was sleep. I opened the drawer and rifled through the pyjamas. It was quite hot tonight, and everything seemed to warm.

I went to the wardrobe and pulled a box off the top, it was labelled simply; _Chicago._ I heaved it to the floor and looked inside. There were all the cards peoples had given me on my last day, and presents too. One was still wrapped, I hadn't needed to open it at the time -I already knew what it was. I pulled apart the paper and brushed my fingers against the black fabric.

"_I can't help how I feel, Neela."_

I closed my eyes, squeezing them tightly, as if that would stop me seeing him. Darkness surrounded him and hurt filled his eyes as he tried to get me to take the t-shirt. But I wouldn't, I couldn't. It meant so much more to me than a t-shirt of my old room mate should. I drove away from him that night. Ran from my feelings, and I'm still running now. I'd admitted that a long time ago, I just couldn't seem to stop.

The day I left I'd tried to avoid him, I didn't want to have that conversation with him, I couldn't say goodbye. But he'd found me in the doctor's lounge as I was having my last ever coffee- one of the only things I didn't miss. We looked at each other for a minute and so many unspoken things went between us. I wish I could have spoken, but my throat was dry.

"_I got you a leaving present." He said simply, after so long. He handed me a gift bag. I looked inside, saw a tissue paper wrapped package. _

"_Thank you," I meant so more than just thank you. "Thank you for everything." I gave a forced laugh, "I would have been homeless for a while if it hadn't been for you."_

_He gave me his smile. God, that smile. "I must be your guardian angel or something."_

"_I'll miss you," I choked out finally._

_He came and wrapped his arms around me, "I'll miss you too." He pulled away too quickly, I wanted to stay like that forever. "Who else am I going to watch poker with?"_

_I smiled, and willed myself not to cry. I couldn't cry. He gave me one last smile and turned for the door. He opened it and was about to walk out when he said quietly, so I almost didn't hear, "Goodbye, Roomie."_

It wasn't until I saw the drops on my skin that I realised I was crying. I was sitting in my room, holding his t-shirt, crying. I'd cried too much. I got up, and put the t-shirt back in the box, closing the lid. I'd rather overheat than bring up old memories again.

When I'd dressed, my damp hair combed out, I went to the study. I had an urge to e-mail Abby. I switched it on, thinking. We'd lived here eighteen months or so. And yet my past still haunted me. I couldn't forget my friends, I couldn't forget County. Michael told me he missed Chicago too, but he was used to moving around -he'd always done it, following his father. County had been my first home. When I'd lived with my parent's I'd always thought I wasn't good enough, I was the eldest and should have been doing more. But at County I had friends who loved me, and I loved them. Funny, even my relationship with my parents had improved once they'd realised I was taking "this doctor thing" seriously. The computer had started and I opened my e-mails page, opening a blank message.

_Dear Abby,_

_How are you? How is Luka? How's Jasmyn? _I began as I always did. Then I paused, what did I want to tell her?

_I didn't get the surgery rotation, so it looks like I'm going to have to start all over again. Great! I miss everyone still, maybe I could come up for a visit soon?_

_It was Michael and I's 2nd anniversary today, I keep thinking about how crazy it was to plan a wedding in a day! What a mad idea, completely not like me -but I guess that's why I did it, right? _

_Well, I hope everyone is good there in Chicago, how's the weather? -Such an English thing to say._

I braced myself, then typed the thing I'd really wanted to ask, but had never mentioned before. In the whole time since I'd moved we'd never talked about him, but right now, I needed to know.

_How's Ray?_

_Lots of love,_

_Neela x_

I sat back in my chair. To send it or not. I pressed the send button, before I could change my mind. I bit my lip, wondering what she'd say. I hope she didn't tell him. That'd be just like her. Maybe she wouldn't though. I was just about to switch the computer off when it dinged. I was puzzled for a minute then I realised I'd gotten a new message, I never was good with technology. I saw the message form Abby and opened it.

_Hi Neela,_

_It's good to hear from you. Everyone's fine, we're all exhausted but fine. I'm on the night shift, which is completely and utterly DEAD! I know it's terrible, but sometimes I wish people would get sick, just for something to do. I'm so bad!_

_I'm sorry to hear about you not getting the rotation, you deserved it! But you'll get something else, you're too good not to._

_Happy anniversary! Did you get my card? If not it's in the mail._

_And as for Ray, ask him yourself;_ She'd put his e-mail address. _He's on the night shift too, we're both stuck to our computers. Unsociable lot that we are here at County! _

_Abby,_

_p.s I'd love to have you up for a visit asap!_

Shit, I thought to myself. I hadn't expected his email address. Now it was almost as if I had to e-mail him. Would he even reply? I wouldn't be surprised if he didn't, I'd cut him out completely. He'd sent me a few e-mails before, but I'd just never replied. Out of sight, out of mind was the theory I was going on. It hadn't worked.

_Hey Ray,_ I typed, thinking that at least I wouldn't have to send it.

_Abby just gave me your address, I guess I must have lost it. She told me the night shift is dead there, poor you!_

_How's the music going? Still rocking out?_

_I'd love to hear from you, it's been too long._

_Your ex-roomie,_

_Neela (she's the nagging one in case you forgot)_

I looked at it, it looked casual. Good, he wouldn't read anything into it. I sounded joking and like I was just catching up. It sounded alright. I heard the door close downstairs and hit send quickly before switching off the computer. I went downstairs to see what my husband was doing home so early. Emphasis on the husband part.

**A/N So, what did you guys think? Does it have potential? Do you like it? Please tell me all in your reviews!**


	2. Ray, the wonder of email

**A/N Heyla! How are y'all doing? I'm great because YEY people like this story. So I'm a happy bunny. Apart from the fact I'm really suffering from hay fever this year! Thank you for the lovely reviews. So, today I have been doing the very useful task of listening to my mp3 player and taking down lines I think may work as inspiration and lines for the beginning of chapters. Very useful indeed! I got loads, and have marvelled at the randomness of my mp3 player- as you shall see. Because every song I use lines from I can proudly say I actually have on my mp3 player. So, expect randomness! I hope you like that extra detail anyway, but I enjoy doing it, tis quite fun!**

**I also changed the title to The Dark Side of the Moon, because Haunting Memories sounded too depressing and... horror story like. Then I changed it again, because I didn't know how that would fit at all... So it is now If You Were With Me Tonight, which is a line from the song "Hear You Me" by Jimmy Eat World, and goes _"If you were with me tonight, I'd sing to you just one more time,". _Hope you prefer the new title, though if anyone has any better ideas, I'm open.**

**Enjoy!**

Chapter 2- Ray

"_When you look away, is it mean to say, that she haunts you night and day?"_

Girls Aloud "See The Day"

Bored, bored, bored, I typed into the computer. Then I deleted it, refreshed my email page and sighed. No new messages. I sighed again, louder. Abby glanced at me.

"What?" She snapped.

"I'm so bo-ored," I whined.

"What exactly do you expect me to do about it?"

I grinned, "Now we're talking."

"Shut up, Barnett, god some people never change do they?"

"I sure hope not."

She turned back to the computer, shaking her head. I wheeled over to her, "What you doing?"

Jerry looked a warning over at me. "Barnett."

"Listen to Jerry, Ray, he knows form expereince what comes of bugging me. Don't you Jer'?"

He nodded, "Oh yeah!" He whistled, "It wasn't pretty."

I sighed and rolled away. "Fine, I'll go do the rounds then."

"No way, my turn."

"Come on Abby, please." This had to be the first time I'd ever fought about checking on patients, but I was so bored I'd do anything rather than sit here.

She shook her head and smiled, "My turn, loser." She walked off and I stared after her, longingly.

With nothing else to do I refreshed my e-mail page. I sucked in air as I saw who my new message was from. _You have one new message from Neela Rasgotra. _

"What's up with you?" Jerry asked, absent-mindedly.

I shook my head, "Nothing." Shit, it was something. Neela had emailed me. Eighteen fucking months later, she'd thought to get in contact. Feelings I thought I'd hidden away inside me flooded back up, making me angry, sad, happy, lonely. I shook my head again, I was a mess. How the hell could one e-mail do this to me? Simply because of who it was from...

I clicked open. I had to see what she had to say. I skimmed through it, then read it properly a couple of times. She'd lost my e-mail address, somehow I found that one hard to believe, especially given as it was the same as Abby's work one, with the name's replaced obviously. _In case you forgot_, like I could forget her. Did she think she was that forgettable? Or that I could move on that damn quickly? I guess she didn't realise how much I'd really cared for her. More than anyone else before. That was obvious just from my reaction to her little e-mail.

_I'd love to hear from you, it's been too long._

I could agree with that one. If we'd just been room mates I would have expected more correspondence than I ever got, but we were much more than that. She was my best friend. There was one thing I kept re-reading though, something that didn't quite fit. _Your ex-roomie. _Roomie -that was what I called her. The rest of the e-mail sounded like she was a bit bored and had remembered my e-mail address, blaming it on Abby, and decided to write me. But that made me think that maybe she hadn't forgotten me. That she still remembered me as a friend. It was hard to explain but somehow that made me happy.

_Hey Neela,_

_You're right, it really has been too long._

I sat there for a while, thinking about what I could possibly say. There was so much I wanted to know, for her to know, but all of it was off limits now of course.

_Of course I could never forget my nagging room-mate! I've had a couple since and you're definitely the cleanest. I miss your cooking -not. No, but I do miss our poker nights, no-one else is into it. Kids these days. _

_I'm still rocking out, good phrase by the way, did you ever expect me to stop? Yup, my guitar is still in pride of place and I've managed to weasel my way back into the band. They couldn't cope without me. _

_How's life outside of County?_

_Nice hearing from you again,_

_Barnett_

I hit send before I could chicken out and went to find Abby. She was talking to Sam in exam 2.

"Can I have word with you please Abby?"

Sam smiled and said "I've got to go and check on those labs anyway. I'll see you in a bit." She walked out. Abby turned to me.

"What's up?"

"Did you get an e-mail from Neela tonight?"

She smiled, "Why? Did you get mail?"

"Stop grinning, Lockhart, yeah I did. So you gave her my address?"

"She asked how you were, I said ask him yourself," she gave me a look, "It's not as if your e-mail is confidential or anything, it's just your work one. Substitute the names and everyone's the same."

"I know, it was just weird."

"Did you reply?"

"Yeah."

"Good," she said, shaking her head, "Knowing you two it'd take you months to reply. Oh but what if she thinks this or oh no she might think I mean... blah blah blah."

I stared at her, then put my hand on chest. "That hurt Abby, that really hurt."

"It's true, that's why," she said simply before walking out. I shrugged and followed her, it wasn't like I could argue.

Finally the night was over. We'd had a bit of excitement when two drunk drivers had a collision outside, but it had only been minor injuries. I'd never treated a drunk with such care. When I got home sun was pouring in through the windows and the radio was blaring from the kitchen. I went in, my eyes bleary, a headache starting already.

"Callie, will you turn that down?"

My newest room-mate looked at me from over her bowl of cereal. "What?"

I went to the radio and turned it off. "I said, can you turn it down."

"Sorry," she said, smiling guiltily. "Rough night?"

I shrugged, "Not really. Boring."

"Oh right. Well, I'm going to work soon, so you have the apartment to yourself."

"All I want to do right now is sleep. And have a shower." I headed to the bathroom and she followed me, looking guilty again.

"Yeah, about that..." I went in and saw what she was probably just about to tell me. Somehow the shower head had detached itself from the shower, leaving just a miserable tube that resembled a silver hose pipe.

"Great," I muttered. I turned to her, "Was it Brett?"

"Um..." she said, not looking at me.

"I am going to kill him." One of the ways I'd weaselled my way back into the band, as I'd put it to Neela, was by offering my old friend, Brett, a room when he was stuck. His girlfriend seemed to come as part of the package, Callie was the most recent. A hell of a lot of damage also seemed part and parcel when Brett was around. I'd known that before of course, but it just hadn't struck me until he moved in just how clumsy he was.

Callie just gave me a small smile. "He said sorry."

"I bet he did." I sighed, "I'm going to bed."

I went into my room, pulled off my trousers and fell into bed. As soon as my head hit the pillow nothing else mattered. All mind could think was; sleep. When I finally woke up my alarm clock read 15:11. I had one of those moments of thinking I'd slept till 5, before registering the 24 hour clock. I got up, ran my hands through my no doubt already tousled hair and went to the kitchen. The apartment was in silence, Callie was at work and Brett was probably off somewhere, avoiding me. I poured myself some cereal and went to veg in front of the t.v. Ah, sweet bliss, there was nothing on. I stared at the news, chewing, while my mind was on a certain e-mail.

I just couldn't get her out of my head. I'd think I had, then some tiny, stupid thing would bring her back to the front of my mind. Neela Rasgotra, the one girl to tame Ray Barnett. The one who had made him think it was actually better to stay in and cook, then watch t.v with a couple of beers rather than play a gig. Oh yeah, it had been that bad. When she had gone I'd thrown myself into the music, spending as little time at home or at County as I could. Too many memories. Then I'd gotten an e-mail from Carter (funny how life seemed to revolve around that wonderful invention). Apparently Abby had told him that I was fucking up. So he told me to get back to what was important. And weirdly enough, I'd listened. He was right after all. Damn him.

I wondered if she'd opened my present yet. It wouldn't surprise me if she'd just thrown it out. She knew what it was after all. It had been a bad idea, giving her that t-shirt. But I couldn't keep it, it reminded me of the one time I'd let my guard down -only to have it all thrown back in my face. I could still remember the last time I saw her, hugging her tightly, wishing to God she wouldn't leave me. She did though. She was married, she had to, no, she wanted to. She wouldn't have married Gallant unless she loved him enough to leave with him.

It didn't stop me missing her though. I couldn't stop missing her.

**A/N So, what did you think of our Ray? Alright? I had a bit of trouble with this chapter, I kept writing it in third person! So if you see any he's where there should be I's please forgive! And I really need some feedback because I'm just not sure about it...**


	3. Neela, goodbye cards

**A/N Thank you again for all your fantabulous reviews, you really are too kind. You'll make my head swell! Lol. Hope you like this chapter.On a side note, I know nothing about the army or whatever so I'm totally making this up, I hope it's kind of realistic.**

Chapter 3- Neela

"_No body said it was easy, no one ever said it would bethis hard, oh take me back to the start."_

-Coldplay "The Scientist"

Michael smiled at me as I came down the stairs. He put his bag down and hugged me tightly, "Hey honey."

"You're home early," I said with a smile, breathing him in. I did love Michael, he made me feel so safe, so secure. I knew he would never hurt me. He was so like me, we were perfect. We had to be.

"Yeah, well it is my anniversary." I looked up at him, frowning, he'd said that extremely quickly, too quickly. "What?"

"You answered that really quickly."

He laughed and shrugged me off, "So?"

I shook my head, "Nothing." Something just felt odd. I couldn't explain it, but he was my husband, I'd be damned if I didn't know when something was wrong with him. He gave me a quick smile and then followed me into the living room. "I didn't know you would be back, so I didn't cook or anything."

He gave me a smile, a real one this time, "That's probably a good thing."

"Shut up, I can cook. Sort of."

He raised an eyebrow at me. "I feel sorry for..." he paused, thinking, "Barnett, that's it. Poor guy, living with your cooking, I'm surprised he didn't get food poisoning."

I gaped at him, "You are so cheeky!"

"What are you going to do about it?"

I sat on the sofa, crossing my arms. "Maybe it's more like what I'm not going to do."

He sat next to me, "You know I'm only joking."

"Yeah, you're joking now." But I turned to him and kissed him gently. "I love you, you know."

"I know. I'm sorry it's been so hard recently."

"Me too."

He smiled at me, then kissed me again. I lay back on the sofa, kissing him back. There were definitely some perks of living with your husband, you didn't have to worry about anyone walking in, or thinking you were doing something wrong. He pulled away from me abruptly.

"What's wrong?"

"Neela, I can't do that right now... there's something I have to tell you and I know you'd kill me if we... before I told you." He looked really serious.

"What is it?" I was really worried now.

He opened his mouth a couple of times, as if wondering how to phrase this the right way. "They want me to go to a training camp down in Texas."

"Michael, you had me so worried, what were you all..."

"Neela," he said, stopping me in mid-flow. "They want me to go for three months."

My eyes widened, "Three months is a long time. But I guess if you have to... I don't mind being on my own for a while. Maybe Abby could come visit, since there'd be more room."

"Neela, you keep not letting me finish and it makes it harder."

"There's more?"

He nodded, "After the three months are up they want me to relocate again. So, this house is going to another family."

Those were the words I'd dreaded hearing again. We'd have to move again. The small resemblance of home I'd managed to build up here would be torn apart. And it would keep happening. I'd tried to kid myself, that the first time would be the only time, but of course his mother had told me, we'd be moving forever. I'd been at County for nearly three years before I'd felt at home there, would I ever be in another place for that long again?

"Please tell me you're joking."

"Why would I joke about that Neela?"

"A girl can hope... shit Michael."

"I know, I'm so sorry."

"Stop telling me you're sorry. I can't stand you being sorry any more. You're always bloody sorry, Michael." My voice wasn't louder than normal, but it was tense.

"Neela, I'm sorry because I don't want to hurt you, but this isn't my fault."

"I know that Michael! I know that none of this is your fault, but I can't help blaming you!" I shouted, standing up. "Sometimes I wonder what the point was in us getting married."

He got up and grabbed my hand, "Don't say that."

"But I do. I mean really, when you marry someone, you're meant to be their first priority. And I'll never be that for you."

"Of course you are."

Tears were rolling down my cheeks now, "I know you want me to be."

"Neela I didn't think you'd take it this hard... I didn't think you even liked it that much here."

I laughed, unamused, "It's not moving from here that bothers me. It's the fact that it's been rammed home to me that this is what we will always be doing, going wherever the army tells us. Michael, this will never be our life."

"Neela," he tried to interrupt me, but I shook my head.

"No, you know when your parent's came to visit me, when you were in Iraq? They told me they were getting a divorce. Your own mother sat me down and told me what it was going to be like being married to a soldier. I didn't listen. I didn't want to believe her. I thought that as soon as we were together, we would be fine, be a proper couple."

"We are a proper couple, we're better than fine."

"You don't understand. I don't want this life, I want to be able to stay somewhere long enough I don't have to keep working my way back up the chain, keep making new friends. It takes me so long to feel like I fit in, and I don't here after eighteen months. If we keep moving, I will never feel like that again."

"That's just here, it's an exception they're just... odd here. In other places you'll find good friends."

"And then I'll have to leave them again."

He sighed and sat on the sofa again. "I've said I'm sorry, but there's nothing I can do. I'm leaving in a week."

"How long do I have to pack up?"

"A month."

"Great. I'm going to bed." He nodded and I went upstairs to the bedroom, locking the door behind me. I got the _Chicago _box down again. I got out the pile of cards;

_You've been great to work with, _

_We'll all miss you,_

_You're such a great doctor, and a good friend._

There was one from Abby, Luka, Pratt, Sam, Jerry and Frank, even Clementi had givenme a rough one. There wasn't one from Ray, he'd just given me the present. A couple of months after I'd left I'd gotten one from him though. I took it out now, it was a photo shopped image of a bottle of beer and a pack of cards labelled "poker". The caption said; Wish you were here. On the back he'd wrote;

_Saw this and thought of you,_

_Miss you and your nagging,_

_Ray_

I shook my head, thinking about him probably laughing to himself as he'd wrote that. He thought he was so funny. I took the t-shirt and climbed into bed. It reminded me of a time where I'd had fun. It seemed so far away, but as I pressed the fabric to my face memories came flooding back.

Ray playing his guitar on the sofa next to me. His hair sticking up and his nails painted, ready for a gig. His face serious as he concentrated, his eyes shining.

Walking passed him in the corridor and rolling my eyes. Him giving me a knowing smile.

Sitting with him, drinking a beer and watching some rubbish on the t.v.

I felt like I could cry, but my eyes remained dry. I wanted to go back there so much. I wished the passed two years hadn't happened. I wished I was still living with Ray, being his Roomie, helping Abby to make up her mind about Luka, trying to win Albright over for the surgical rotation. But two years was a long time, and things had changed so much. I could never go back to that time, even if I did go back to Chicago.

Go back to Chicago? Was that what I wanted?

As soon as I thought that I knew it was. I wanted to go back there, see my friends. I needed to. I got up once more and went to the wardrobe, by the side there was a suitcase. I pulled it out and then went to the drawers. I took piles of clothes and loaded them in, I probably had an unnecessary amount of tops and no trousers but I didn't care. I could always buy something when I was there. But right now I needed to be out of this house, out of town. I needed to be somewhere I loved, where I knew people loved me.

The door twisted and Michael knocked on it, "Neela, come on, open up."

I went over and opened it, then went back to my packing without speaking.

"Neela..." he said. It was more of a question than a statement.

"I'm going to Chicago."

"Neela, please, don't do this, we can fix this."

"I'm going to visit Abby. I need to sort myself out. I didn't get the surgical rotation and then you told me this and..." I sighed. "I just need to get out."

He stood in the doorway, his arms by his sides. "You're just going to visit right?"

I looked at him. "A visit, that's all."

"Alright... well, it's late, you can pack tomorrow, come to bed."

"I'd rather do it now, I want to leave early."

"Neela, please don't be mad with me."

"I'm not," I said, going over and putting my hand on his arm. "I'm not mad at you Michael."

I'm mad at myself, I thought.

**A/N So... what did you think? Hmm, I wonder what could happen in Chicago... hmmm.**


	4. Ray, scary ol' fate

**A/N Hey there! And thanks for the lovely reviews. And thanks especially to Ash and butterflywest for answering my queries, and also cherryblossom02 for telling me about American phrasings! I hope I get them better this chapter.**

**I've also discovered that I can find a line in ANY song that relates to the roomies. Seriously, any song! I'm obsessed with it. Give me a challenge if ya like. I even found one in Savages, from Pocahontas. Challenge me people, challenge me! I'll write one-shots of your challenges... Hmm, obsessive? Moi?**

Chapter 4- Ray

"_Just another day, started like out any other, just another girl who took my breath away."_

-Jesse McCartney "Best Day Of My Life"

I dragged myself out of bed. I'd been on an evening shift, but Brett and Callie had kept me awake into the early morning. I could really sympathise with how Neela must have felt when I brought girls back, the walls were like paper thin. Now it was eleven and I had one hour to get into work on time. I was betting that wasn't going to happen, but the wrath of Doctor Weaver made me scramble quickly into my clothes. I'd washed as best as I could with the tube of the shower, but it was damned hard. And for some reason it was freezing. As I was walking out the door, Brett passed me on the way to the bathroom.

"Hey man," he said with a nod.

I glared at him. He didn't seem to notice. I walked out, slamming the door. I was so pissed. I needed coffee bad. It hadn't helped, I guess, that I'd checked my emails last night. Two nights had passed since I'd replied to Neela's surprise e-mail. Well, last night had been the second. But anyway, she hadn't replied. So I was feeling great. Not.

I ran down the steps from the El station, and checked my watch. Ten minutes. Just enough time to grab a coffee, a proper one, rather than the muck Smith made. Smith was the newest member of the County family, she'd come to replace Morris as coffee maker. And doctor. But even Morris's swill was preferable to Smith's. I shook my head, just thinking about. It was vile. At least she was a better doctor, though I guess that wasn't hard. I tapped my finger's nervously on my legs as the que got slowly served. All I wanted was a black coffee. Surely this guy getting an extra large frappacino (whatever the hell that was) wouldn't mind the waitress pouring me a cup before him. But oh no, we Americans must be civilised and wait.

Finally I got my coffee, I went to grab a napkin and took a sip. Oh yes, sweet heaven was in caffeine form. I stood there for a minute, pretending to look at the painting on the wall over the napkin dispenser, really drinking down my coffee.

"Can I have a coffee with milk, please." I swirled round to face the speaker and I swear my mouth must have dropped open. Literally, I was catching flies. It was Neela. Ordering coffee. In Chicago.

I walked up to her, "Hey Roomie."

She turned to me with a frown, then seeing who it was gave me a smile. I had missed that smile. Shut-up, Barnett, I thought to myself.

"Ray! It's so nice to see you."

"It's nice to see you too. I didn't know you were coming up."

She shrugged, and looked embarrassed or something, "It was a... last minute thing. I'm staying with Abby."

"Oh right," I grinned.

"You on today?" She asked, tilting her head in the direction of the hospital.

"Yeah, I am, you coming for a visit?"

She nodded, then checked her watch. "Um... I think you're late."

"Shit!" I said, before running off, I shouted back over my shoulder, "It was great to see you!"

"You too!" I heard the reply before darting out into the traffic. Cars squealed and I reminded myself that I really needed to look first next time. I threw my coffee cup into the trash can and ran inside.

"You're late," Abby said, giving me a smile.

"I know, I know. But I got distracted in the coffee shop."

"Oh yeah?" She said, with a raised eyebrow.

I nodded, "Yeah, someone who said they were staying with you?"

"Ah yes, I think I know who you mean."

I grinned, "You could have told me."

She held up her hands, "I didn't know until yesterday when she turned up on my door stop."

I frowned as I headed towards the lockers. That wasn't like Neela at all. But then what did I know, I hadn't seen her in eighteen months. For all I knew she'd become some spontaneous person. I shook my head, smiling to myself, somehow I couldn't even imagine that.

* * *

The next time I got to see Neela was an hour later. Of course as soon as I'd arrived three traumas had come in. I swear it was the universe telling me not be late... or to be later. I wasn't sure which. Anyway, once I'd changed into another lab coat I went to the desk to pick up some charts and she was chatting to Jerry, beaming. She looked so happy and I realised she hadn't changed at all. Her hair was a little longer and cut in a different style, but she was still the same old Neela.

_Still the same girl you fell in love with?_

Best not to answer that one, I thought, because it wasn't like I'd really fallen in love with her... had I?

"Hey Roomie," she said with a smile as she saw me approaching.

"You know, since we're not Roomies, we shouldn't really call each other that," I said, feigning wiping a tear from my eyes.

She pouted, "Aw," then she gave me a devilish grin, "You'll always be my Roomie."

I placed a hand on my heart, "Thank you, that means so much to me."

"Shut up Ray. God, you really haven't changed."

"I was saying that a couple of nights ago," Abby said, as she passed.

"Mr Predictable, that's me." I grabbed some charts and raised my eyebrows at her, "Back to work. Lucky you having a holiday." I tapped her with the charts, "Some of us need money to pay the bills seeing as they have no room-mate to share with."

She smiled, "Who is your room-mate now, anyone I know?"

I pulled a face, "Brett."

She grimaced, "Do you even have a flat left?"

"Who knows, by the end of the day, any number of things could happen. I mean, we don't have a shower any more."

"Crap," she said sympathetically.

"I know, well, I'll love ya and leave ya." I walked off, my eyes wide. That last remark had been a little too close for comfort. Damn my endlessly joking façade.

Time is a healer, people say. So you'd think after this long my want to hold her would have vanished. But no, it was still there I could proudly say after a grand total of one and a half conversations. All I wanted to do was grab her and hold her close to me. Now, wouldn't that have looked strange? I hoped she was staying for a while. No, I didn't, because it wasn't as if I could do anything about it. It was probably best -the further away she was, the less I could do to embarrass myself. All the same... she was back in Chicago now, maybe that meant... I shook my head. It meant nothing. She was back for a visit, that was all.

* * *

"It was so great seeing you, I've really missed you."

"I missed you too. Did you get my card?"

She laughed, "The beer and poker, yeah." She paused. "That all you missed?"

She had a talent for cutting me where it hurt, that was for sure. "Of course not."

She smiled, only a small one, but beautiful nonetheless. "We have to go out for drinks. Maybe I could come see you play?"

"That'd be great, how long are you staying for?"

She shrugged, "I'm not sure really. Not long I guess, Abby's place isn't that big and with Jasmyn and everything, I get the feeling I'm in the way."

"Well, soon then. See ya." I walked away from her, heading towards the El station. She wasn't staying long, shit. But, she wanted to see me play. And she'd missed me -or she said she had. I walked quicker, trying to get my mind clear. Thinking of anything Neela related always made me confused.

When I got home the apartment was silent. I stood in the doorway, feeling wary. Since Brett had moved in the apartment was never quiet, there was always something going on. This felt like the first few months after Neela had moved out, when I'd get home from work, grab a pack or twoof beer and make my way through them before crawling to bed or waking up on the sofa. I have to say, it hadn't been the best time in my life.

I went into the lounge and saw a scrawled note on the sofa;

_Ray, _

_Callie and me have gotten an apartment. Sorry to leave such last minute, but this place is bigger and has a shower. I'll come round tomorrow for stuff, and see you at practise. Matt got us a gig at Indigo on Saturday._

_Brett_

I sat on the sofa, no more Brett and Callie. I was home alone once more. I had a moment of relief that I would finally get a decent night's sleep before my paranoid mind kicked into gear. Brett and Callie moved out the same day I see Neela again? Something didn't feel right. It's not great to feel like Fate is stalking you, it's unnerving. I mean the first time Neela moved in, it had been a big coincidence that I'd had a spare room and needed a room-mate just as she'd needed a place. This felt like Fate was telling me to ask her to stay with me while she was in Chicago, she'd just been telling me how she felt in the way at Abby's...

I shook my head and went to the fridge to grab a beer. Fate was a load of bull. I was getting sentimental in my old age.

* * *

**A/N Ah but Ray, don't you know that Fate is also known as The Author? Of course I exist... except I'm not stalking you... **

**Sorry, just having a conversation with one of the characters I've borrowed from the great people at ER -and they tried to say I was crazy. What did you guys think of this chapter? Reviews would be, as they say in Bill and Ted's Excellent Adventure, _excellent!_**


	5. Neela, swings and roundabouts

**A/N Hullo there! Oh dear, I'm sorry, it's been like almost two days since I last updated, ages by my ER standards. Of course, my other stories have to wait months... oops. **

**Ah, I am having issues! I have a grand total of three more ER story ideas. One angsty pre-Reela (like the one I did previously and this one) one Reela-relationship thing, and one general ER one. I also have this one all planned (go me, I never do that) so it should move along quite quickly. But which to do next, that is the question!**

**Thanks for all your reviews! And I'm afraid my song choice isn't great for this chapter... but it was a really hard chapter to write... Not sure why. Anyway, it makes sense with the story it's just not particularly anything to do with this chapter. Well, a little... I'll stop rambling now shall I?**

Chapter 5- Neela

"_All you have to do is smile that smile, and there go all my defences."_

- Dolly Parton "Here You Come Again"

I was woken up quite rapidly when Jasmyn decided I'd had enough of a long lie and jumped on my bed. She crawled under the covers and snuggled into me. "Neena up," she said, pushing me suddenly.

I laughed, "Ok, ok, I'm getting up."

She gave me a big smile, showing off her few front teeth. I got out of bed and she promptly lay in my place, closing her eyes and faking a snore or two. I pulled her out by the feet, amongst lots of giggling, and slung her over my shoulder. It was nice having someone small enough to do that with, I was so often the smallest. I blushed as I thought of the one time Ray had done this to me, I'd screamed so much he'd had to put me down, but then he had to tickle me.

I sighed, it had been so nice seeing him yesterday. He hadn't changed at all. Well, his hair was a little longer, as if he hadn't had it cut in a while but he was still my Ray. I mean, the same old Ray... he had never been my Ray.

"Oh sorry, I tried to keep her out of there," a dishevelled looking Abby said, rolling her eyes and taking Jasmyn from me.

"It's alright, it's too late anyway."

Abby smiled, "Want some coffee?"

"Yes please," I said, heading to the kitchen, "But I'll make it, you want one?"

"Thanks."

"Luka, you want a coffee?" I asked him as he walked towards the bathroom with a towel.

"Yes, thanks."

As I set to work making coffee I drifted off, something that always seemed to happen to me recently. I'd be trying to do something when my mind would drift off. I guess it could have something to do with me getting very little sleep. Anyway, I was standing in the kitchen when I thought I heard the doorbell. I looked backwards to the door then turned back to the kitchen and Michael was standing there. I jumped out of my skin, seriously. His eyes looked so sorrowful, then I blinked and he was gone.

"Shit... I need a therapist," I mumbled to myself, pouring out the coffee. "Shit," I said again, "I'm too American..."

"Neela, you alright?" Abby said, walking in to the room. Jasmyn was on her hip, talking incoherently to a barbie.

"Fine. Why does she have a barbie?"

"Oh, someone bought it her, I don't know who... she's called it Neena."

I pulled a face, "Great!"

She laughed, "So what are you doing today?"

I shrugged, "Who knows? Who's working today?"

"Luka, I have missey today."

"Missey!" Jasmyn cried.

"Strange child," I said, shaking my head.

"You're telling me." She looked at me and added, "Neela... why are you here?"

"What?"

"Look, I love having you to stay, and I love seeing you again, but you came two days ago with a bag, without a word beforehand and... I was just wondering if every thing's ok?"

I turned back to the coffee, "Every thing's fine."

"Well... if you ever want to talk."

"I know. Coffee's ready."

"Ok," she said, taking the hint.

Luka came out from the shower and took his cup, sipping it gratefully. His hair was all wet and his tie wasn't tied but he still looked great, he had that Croatian way about him or something. I felt like blushing at the thoughts I'd once had about him. I was glad that even when I saw him like that it didn't phase me. Shame I couldn't say the same about other County doctors.

"What are you doing today then Neela?"

"I'm not sure, I'll probably go shopping or something."

He began to say something then the phone rang. He gave me an apologetic smile then went to get it.

He came back a few minutes later and sighed, "That was the hospital, they need someone to cover for Pratt, he's phoned in sick."

"Well, I can't do it, I've got Jasmyn," Abby said.

"I know, I told them that, but they're really stuck," I noticed he glanced at me, then Abby did. I had a feeling they were doing some secret communicating. I decided to save them the bother.

"Do you want me to have her?"

"Oh Neela, I couldn't ask you too, I mean you're on holiday."

"It's fine, we'll go to the park or something."

I saw Luka's eyes widen and him shake his head before Jasmyn started wailing at the top of her voice, "Park! Park!"

"Are you sure Neela?" Abby shouted over her daughter.

"Um... yes. I think."

Abby smiled, "Thanks. I guess we need the money a little too..."

Luka shrugged, "I'll wait for you to get changed."

"Park!" Jasmyn wailed.

"Alright," I said, "But you can't go to the park in your pj's can you? And Neena can't either, come on. Have fun you two!"

"Thanks again," Abby said, pulling a brush through her hair.

"No problem," I lied.

It took Jasmyn and I an hour just to get out of the apartment. Then, when we'd manoeuvred the buggy down the stairs because the stupid lift was broken, I realised I had no idea where there was a park in Chicago. I began walking, but all we passed were apartment buildings and then shops. Not even a tree was in sight.

Jasmyn was making quacking noises as I pulled the pram to the side of the street. "Park?"

"Yes, sweetie, just a minute. Let Neena think." Who the hell would know where a park was? Who did I even know in Chicago? I pulled out my mobile phone and scrolled through the phone book. I got to the B's and pressed call.

"Barnett," The voice answered, with a yawn.

"Hey Ray, it's Neela."

"Oh hi," he sounded tired, "How are you?"

"I'm um... lost actually."

"Oh?" He sounded a little concerned now, or maybe I was imagining it.

"Yeah, I'm looking after Jasmyn for the day so Abby could work and we can't find a park."

"A park in Chicago ey?" He paused. "Oh I know! Want me to pick you up?"

"Would you mind?" Please don't mind, please don't mind.

"Of course not," he said with a chuckle, "Swing parks are my favourite!" I rolled my eyes, he was so immature sometimes. In an extremely cute way...

"Thanks Ray," I said, before my musings could go any further.

"Abby is going to kill me," I said, as I sat in the back of Ray's van, holding tightly onto Jasmyn's buggy with one hand, and the front seat with the other. Ray turned back and laughed;

"You could let it go you know, she'd just roll around."

"If you don't look at the road this instant I'm going to..."

"Alright already," he said, turning to the road with a grin. After driving for a while, my knuckles turning white and my eyes firmly squeezed shut, he finally pulled up. "Ta da! Doctor Ray has done it again."

I shook my head, "You, my friend, are an idiot."

"Yeah my Mom always tells me that," he said, before getting out and walking round to open the back door. He pulled them open then pulled the buggy to the back, before jumping out again. Then he took the buggy again and carefully levered it down onto the ground.

"You drive like a maniac then take care getting her _out _of the van?"

He smiled, the shrugged. "I'm an idiot, what can I say?"

I jumped down and looked around. "Um Ray... there's no park."

"It's down the street."

"Ah."

As we turned the corner I saw a flash of green. Then some primary colours, then I saw the swings. There was a roundabout too, a rusty slide and some bedraggled looking parent's running round after toddlers. "Park!" Jasmyn shouted, trying to pull herself out of the buggy.

"Come on, let's get you out of that slow pushchair," Ray said, un-clipping her. He picked her up and then ran towards the park, "Come on Neena! There's swings!"

"Oh god," I muttered trying not to grin. Ray jumped onto the roundabout and began pushing it with one foot, while still holding Jasmyn in his arms who was giggling eccentrically.

I wondered whether the fact he would have the same mental age as any kid he met would make him a good dad or a bad one. Then I walked faster, why the hell was I thinking about what kind of dad Ray would make? I put the buggy to the side and walked up to them.

"Push us on the swings?" He asked with puppy dog eyes. I shook my head. "Please Neela," he gave me a smile, "Pretty please!"

"Please Neena!" Jasmyn said, joining in. I was being double-teamed

"Fine, I just can't say no to you can I?"

He gave me a small smile, and his eyes looked sad. "I'm sure you could, if you wanted to."

I would do anything to wipe that look of hurt form his eyes, especially when it felt like I might have caused it, however long ago.

"Come on then, swings," I said, walking over to them. He sat down with Jasmyn on his knee and I pushed him.

"Wheeee!" Jasmyn cried.

"Wahoo!" Ray yelled.

I just rolled my eyes. I had a feeling this was going to be a long day.


	6. Ray, the curse of the British

**A/N You lot rock! That is all I have to say. I mean, that chapter was hard to write and I didn't think it was that good, but you all gave such nice reviews, so thanks a million!**

Chapter 6- Ray

"_I look at you and I fantasize, you're mine tonight."_

-Eric Carmen "Hungry Eyes"

I slumped onto the bench, panting heavily. I hadn't realised how much energy it took out of you running round after a toddler. Of course, it gave me a chance to play on kid's stuff so I wasn't really complaining. I watched Neela pushing Jasmyn on the roundabout, sticking her tongue out at her as she came round again. I grinned, I have to admit I had never once seen Neela like that, even when she was drunk. Then again she probably did this all the time, all her friend's probably had kids and were married to soldiers. Bitter, me?

Someone else's kid got on the roundabout and the guy said he'd take a turn of pushing so Neela came over to sit next to me. She sighed as she sat down. "Bloody hell, I'm knackered!"

I smiled, "Me too."

"You know what he said? 'You're daughter's so cute.' I didn't know what to say, so I just said thanks."

I laughed, "I suppose she looks a bit like you, black hair..."

"She doesn't look half Indian though. She's quite pale."

I shrugged, "Genetics schmetics."

She rolled her eyes and then went back to the roundabout where Jasmyn was shouting something. A woman with a pram came and sat on the bench next. "Hi."

"Hey," I replied. This sure was a friendly park.

"Is that your daughter?" She asked, nodding to Jasmyn.

I was about to say no, but then remembered what Neela had said to that guy before, "Yes, she is."

"She's gorgeous."

"Thanks."

"Lovely black hair too, she gets that from your wife then?"

"My wife?" I asked.

She nodded back in the direction of the roundabout, "That woman's your wife isn't she? I just assumed since she was talking to you before..."

"Oh, we're not married," I said quickly.

"Oh, I see," The woman replied, though she still looked a little confused. "Well, your daughter's lovely anyway."

"Thanks," I said with a smile.

We were walking back to the van when Jasmyn began yelling again, "I'm hung-ery!"

"Alright, we'll get some lunch soon." Neela said, "I knew I should have brought something with me."

"We could go to mine if you want, it's closer than Abby's," I said, almost without thinking. It seemed logical at the time. Then I realised how weird it might be, for Neela and for me, having her back in what used to be our apartment.

"Um..." she said, dithering, "What about Brett?"

"He moved out yesterday, just left me a note," I said, giving her a look that said; same-old-Brett.

"Oh, well, it is closer. Have you actually got food in?" She asked, climbing into the van.

"Of course! What kind of rock'n'roll stud do you take me for?"

"Shut up. You're so bloody big headed."

"At least it's with reason," I said, before shutting the doors and walking round to the front of the van.

I sighed a sigh of relief as I found the elevator in working order. I really wasn't up for carrying Jasmyn in her push-chair all the way up the stairs. Neela smiled as we got in;

"Is this a regular thing now, the lift working?"

I shook my head and rolled my eyes, "Hell no, we're just lucky."

We got out and walked to our -my- apartment. I can't believe I still got mixed up about that. I tried to tell myself it was just because she was here, but I often walked in, expecting her to be there, to tell her about the shift I'd just had, or the gig I'd just done. She never was though. You'd think I would be used to that now, after almost two years.

"Wow, this is weird," she said, as I unlocked the door. "I mean, for one thing you have keys, and I've not been here since..." She paused. I knew exactly when she meant. When she'd moved out, the worst night of my life. And that included the night I'd been heckled on stage by this guy, the boyfriend of a girl I'd slept with -without knowing obviously- and he'd thrown a brick at my head. Seriously, a flipping brick. That was terrible, but Neela moving out beat everything.

Realising I hadn't spoken and an uneasy silence was building I said; "Yeah... strange. It's probably a mess, sorry."

I knew it wasn't a mess. I'd spent the whole of last night being unable to sleep, because I kept thinking of things I should have said to her. Then I'd got paranoid about looking like a fool, and then... well I'd cleaned. It was a trick she'd taught me actually, when in doubt -clean. So when we stepped into the apartment I wasn't surprised to see her mouth gaping in shock.

"Ray!"

"What?" I asked innocently.

"Bloody hell," she mumbled, walking into the kitchen. "What shall we eat then? You want me to cook?"

"No, it's alright!" I said, a little to quickly for her liking.

"I can cook," she said with a pout.

I grinned, "You're pouting."

"I'm not pouting."

I nodded. "You are."

"Stupid idiot."

"Thanks."

She groaned and walked out the room, "Fine!"

I grinned. I loved our banter, it amused me a hell of a lot to get her annoyed, I guess because she was always so controlled the rest of the time, I liked that I could make her get so exasperated with me. I liked it better when I made her lose it in other ways, like when I made her laugh so much she couldn't stop, but getting pissed at me would do for now. I began to get food out of the fridge. Like the kid I was, I really wanted to impress her. She was right, I was an idiot.

When we had finished, Neela collected the plates from the table and put them on the side. She started filling the sink up.

"I'll do that," I said, getting up.

"No, you cooked, it's only fair!"

Jasmyn gave a yawn. "Do you think she's trying to tell us something?" I asked, smiling at her.

She yawned again and Neela laughed, then picked her up. She snuggled into Neela's shoulder, closing her eyes. "Guess we better go home," she said with a small smile.

I didn't want her to leave. "You don't have to go," I said, hoping I didn't sound desperate.

She gave me a look, "She's almost as tired as I am, Ray."

"All the more reason to just let her sleep here. She can sleep in my bed."

Neela raised an eyebrow, "I'm not so sure that's a good idea."

I laughed, "It's clean, I made it this morning!" She looked at me in disbelief and I added, "Come on I'll show you."

We went to my room and I wasn't surprised to see that her mouth gaped open in shock. The sheets were clean, the bed was made and you could see the floor.

"God..."

I grinned, "You sound so surprised."

"I am!" She said, putting Jasmyn down on the bed. Neela took off Jasmyn's sneakers and jackets then but her under the covers.

She gave another yawn, "Teddy," she said, wistfully.

"I don't have one, sorry."

"Teddy," she said again, louder.

"Um..." I looked around my room. There were a myriad of posters but no soft toys, except. "Aha!" I said, going to my wardrobe. I dug in the bottom draw and pulled out an old, fluffy bear. "Here you go."

She gave me a wide smile and hugged the bear tightly. "Na-night Wray. Na-night Neena."

"Night," Neela called, backing out of the door. I followed her and closed it. She was trying to hide a smirk.

"What?" I asked, heading for the kitchen.

"Ray Barnett has a teddy bear!" She cried, giggling.

"It was... I..." I held up my hands, "There's nothing I can say to defend myself is there?"

She shook her head then went to the sink.

"Neela, I'll do the dishes."

"It's fine."

"Neela, it's my apartment."

"Ray, you cooked."

"You're the guest."

"I don't mind."

"I do!"

"Tough for you then."

"Oh god!" I said, exasperated. "Fine!"

She smiled, "One all." I gave her a look, "You won before, I won now. So it's one all."

"Oh we're keeping count now are we?"

"Oh yeah."

I was about to say something else when I heard a knock on the door. "Sorry, one momento!"

I went to the door and saw Brett standing there. "Hey man, I've come to get my stuff."

"Oh well I just," before I could finish he walked in.

"Dr Neela!" He cried, as he walked into the kitchen. "Barnett never told me you were home!"

"Hi Brett," she said, rolling her eyes at me over his shoulder as he gave her a big bear hug. "I'm just visiting for a while."

"Aw, that's too bad. Will you still be here for Saturday?"

"Yeah probably, why?"

"Oh nothing," I interceded, glaring at Brett. "I'm sure Neela will be busy."

"I'm sure she can work around it, we'd all love to have her there."

"Have her where exactly?" Neela asked.

"We've got a gig at Indigo."

"Oh right."

"You don't have to come," I said quickly.

She gave me a smile, "No, I'd like to."

"Oh."

"Earth to the doctors!" Brett called and I realised I'd been staring at her. Idiot, I said to myself. "You are still a doctor aren't you Neela?"

She nodded, "Unless it'll get you to stop calling me Dr Neela?"

"Never," he said with a grin. "Well, I'll grab my stuff and then I'll have to steal Ray."

"Why?"

"Practise, man!"

My eyes widened, I'd completely forgotten about practise today. "Oh I can't, I mean Neela's here and..."

"Ray, we've got a gig _this Saturday_! We need to practise. I'm sure Neela won't mind hanging out here for a bit?"

I looked at her, "Sure Ray, it's fine." Was it just me being paranoid or did she sound a little hurt.

"I'm sure you guys can do without me for one day."

"Ray, it's fine, just go. I'll tidy up, then get Jasmyn and we'll go back to Abby's."

"No, she's sleeping, you may as well just stay here until she wakes up. I've got the same t.v channels as Abby."

She gave me a smile, "Alright."

"Great." I hoped I'd be able to get back from practise before she had to leave. Then I might get a little extra time with her.

As Brett and I walked into Matt's living room Brett said; "Guess who I found in Ray's apartment?"

"Who?"

"Dr Neela!"

There was a chorus of "Oh!"'s.

"She's just visiting, god!" I said, taking off my coat.

"Sure Barnett, whatever."

"She is!"

Matt grinned at me, "The one that got away, right Ray?"

"Don't be a twat," I said, with a scowl.

Matt looked at me, confused.

I groaned inwardly. I'd really let myself in for it now, "It's British," I said quietly.

They all laughed uproariously, "And who do we know who's British? Oh I know!" Brett called.

This was going to be a long rehearsal.

"Neela?" I called into the apartment when I finally got back. There was no answer. Shit, I thought, she's gone back to Abby's. Then she poked her head out of the kitchen. "Hey Ray."

"Hiya Roomie," I said with a grin.

"Look, I'm really sorry to ask you this but... is it alright if me and Jasmyn stay over tonight? It's just Luka just phoned and asked how everything was, and was telling me how grateful him and Abby were, and they're only at bloody work so I said why don't they go out for a meal after work and I'd look after Jasmyn and..."

"Neela," I interrupted, "Of course, it's fine. I owe them anyway."

"What for?"

"Oh you know, I always owe someone something," I said.

She smiled, "Thanks, sorry to be a bother."

"You're no bother Neela, never will be. Where's madam then?"

"She's watching t.v."

"I may go and join her. That rehearsal was..." I shook my head. "Annoying."

"Why, what happened?"

"I let myself in for a hell of a lot of teasing, that's all." She raised an eyebrow but didn't say anything more, thankfully.

"I'm just going to get a shower first, that ok?"

"Your apartment," she said.

"Ah, but tonight you're my Roomie again," I said, showing in my smile some of the joy I was feeling.

As I hosed myself down with the broken shower I realised how lucky I was. Neela was staying over. She was staying here again. Almost two years had passed since she'd moved out and now she back and... I was just so happy. I hoped the evening would go really slowly so I could savour every moment. In fact, I thought to myself, what the hell was I doing wasting time in the shower?

When we had finally gotten Jasmyn to bed Neela and I could do little else but sit on the sofa. "I am never having kids," she said, "They're too bloody energetic. And I thought you were bad."

I laughed, "Thanks."

"Any time," she quipped.

"So, Neela, how come you're here?"

"What?"

"I mean, how come you're up in Chicago?" I'd been wondering it ever since I'd first seen her in the coffee shop but hadn't gotten the nerve to ask until now.

"Abby asked me the same thing this morning."

"Oh."

"Yeah. I'm guessing that my "I'm here for a visit" line isn't going to do?"

I shook my head, "Nope."

"Well, you know I told you that I'd been trying to get the surgical rotation at my new hospital?" I nodded, "I didn't get it. I found that out the night I e-mailed you."

"Oh, right."

"Well, Michael told me then that he had to go on a three month training thing in Texas. So I decided to visit."

I still felt there was something she was missing out, but I knew that this was all she was willing to tell me tonight, and I didn't want to push her. "I see," I gave her a hug, "You miss him?"

"Yes," she said, leaning into me.

I am a bastard, I decided, I was pretending to be such a great friend, asking about her marital woes when all I could think about was how good it felt to have her in my arms. I leaned back on the couch, still hugging her and she rested her head on my chest. I wished we could always be like this. All my old feelings were now new, they were still there, I thought I'd dulled them but they were as strong as ever. All I wanted was for her to be with me.

I realised then that sweet heaven was in Neela-form.

**A/N Wow, that was quite long, ey? 7 and a bit pages on word! Did you like? Tell me all! That last line was in reference to chapter 4, where he said "sweet heaven was in caffeine form". Just thought I'd point that out. Also, I'm planning a sequel, but I'd like to know whether people'd be interested. This has about ten more chapters to go, btw. I did a lot of planning today when my mum was hogging the computer (usually my job-lol)**


	7. Neela, the magic of music

**A/N Heyla! This is just a note I forgot to put at the beginning of the story! This story is rated T, but there is swearing and adult themes, so if you think the rating should go up, don't report me, just tell me! I don't mind changing it at all! It basically has the same sort of things as you would see in any ER episode. So I'm guessing, since you're reading ER fiction, you're alright with them! This chapter has quite a bit of swearing actually... nothing to serious though.**

**Also, Lucky Charms are my FAVOURITE cereal, but alas, they no longer have them here in the UK. This is one reason why I 1) am jealous of Americans and 2) am going to live in America when I'm older. If anyone wants to send me a few crates of Lucky Charms they would have my undying love! I mentioned this because they're mentioned in this chapter... albeit briefly!**

**And the song from this bit is talking about Ray on stage... just to clear that up.**

Chapter 7- Neela

"_He could lick 'em by smiling, he could leave 'em to hang."_

David Bowie "Ziggy Stardust"

I woke up the next morning but didn't move for at least five minutes. I was just so comfortable and content. Yes, I was sleeping on a lumpy sofa, but that wasn't what mattered. What mattered was that I was there with Ray. Shit, I knew it was wrong, I knew I shouldn't be enjoying the feel of his chest beneath my head but that morning... I just couldn't help myself. As he breathed softly, his chest rose and fell, and I could feel his breath tickling the top of my head. His arms were encircling me and I found myself picturing that this was what it could have been like -if only I'd said no to Michael.

I knew Ray had once cared for me, we had once had more than a friendship. I'd tried to kid myself that he hadn't, but I knew he had. All I had to do was remember his face when I told him I was moving out, or the night I did move out and he admitted it out loud;

"_I can't help how I feel, Neela."_

But that was a lifetime ago, and no doubt he'd moved on. I wasn't that special, and I couldn't deny the fact that girls throwing themselves at him was a regular occurrence. Why would he remember me, his room-mate who he'd happened to get close to, more than anyone of his numerous one night stands? I had probably been a passing phase. I had once hoped that he was a passing phase, but I admitted something to myself, for the first time, when I was lying there -so close to him.

I loved him.

I should love my husband, I shouldn't love this ghost from my past. But Ray meant so much to me, and I knew I'd never be able to forget about him. Regret overwhelmed me and I found my eyes filling with tears. Why was I so stupid, why had I denied my feelings back then, when it would have been so much easier to do something about them, why had he only begun to feel something for me _after _I was married... why was I here now? Tears rolled down my cheeks, leaving damp patches on his t-shirt. I wanted him to comfort me, but I knew if he did I might do something stupid. I had to put a wall up between me and my feelings, I'd done it once before by moving out, otherwise they'd overwhelm me like these tears and I'd end up hurting everyone.

Suddenly I felt his hand stroking my cheek, smoothing down my hair. "Don't cry Neela," he whispered.

I froze in his arms. I hadn't known he was awake.

"Are you alright?" He asked, his voice thick with sleep. I looked up at him and he smiled down at me, yawning.

"Yeah... I just... it's nothing."

"Neela..." he said, but before he could say anything else I got up.

"Do you want some coffee?"

He paused, then shrugged, "Yes please."

I went to the kitchen and leaned against the side, just as I had done yesterday at Abby's. It seemed making coffee was getting to be a big excuse for me to try and sort myself out. Of course, it was only a minute or so before Ray padded in and sent my brain whirling once more. He was wearing a grey t-shirt and sweat pants that were a little too short for him. His hair was sticking up in a very cute manor. Shut up idiot, I thought to myself.

He yawned and stretched, raising his arms above his head, so I got a glimpse of his stomach, before winking at me, "I'm so beat."

"Me too," I replied, glad he wasn't going to mention my tears.

"Is Jasmyn not up yet?"

I shook my head, "It's only seven."

He gaped at me, "What the hell am I doing up then?"

"Don't ask me," I said with a smile.

"Stupid couch's fault," he muttered.

"I'm sure. We probably should have actually gone to bed. Or you should have, seeing as it was me who fell asleep first."

He looked embarrassed or something, then said, "Yeah I probably should have..."

I looked at him and he looked right back into my eyes. I felt like he was trying to tell me something, something he shouldn't or couldn't tell me out loud. But I'd never been physic so I asked bluntly;

"What?"

"Nothing," he said, shaking his head.

I was about to ask more but I heard a bump and then crying coming from his room. "Shit!" I shouted, and ran through. Jasmyn was sitting on the floor, looking shocked, tears filling her eyes, her mouth wide open, screaming. "What happened?"

"I go bump!" She wailed.

"Aw, honey," I said, cradling her in arms. "It's alright, Neena and Wray are here."

"I want Mommy!" She shrieked.

I looked at Ray, who was standing in the doorway, "Abby is going to kill me if she gets a bump or something."

"She'll be fine," he said, but he too looked worried at the thought of Abby's vengeance for injuring her child. "It's not that big a drop."

"Yeah, I guess you're right. You want breakfast sweetie?" I asked, trying to placate the crying child.

She nodded woefully and clutched Ray's teddy. I carried her through and sat her on a chair at the table. I began searching the cupboards for cereal. Ray came behind me and reached over me to one of the cupboards, pulling out a box of Lucky Charms. As he moved back he brushed against me and I shuddered involuntarily at his touch. Stupid bodily reactions.

"Hey," he whispered, "How come you don't call me honey or sweetie?"

I laughed, "Because you are neither of those things."

He chuckled as he went to pour Jasmyn a bowl. If only he knew the things I wanted to call him... shit, shit, shit.

That Saturday I found myself hogging Abby's bathroom all night. I'd been in there for an hour or maybe two when she started knocking on the door; "Neela! Jasmyn needs to pee. And so do I!"

"Sorry, one minute!" I called back. I looked at myself in the mirror. I had just about managed to reach the perfect compromise between looking like I'd tried and looking like I'd just rolled out of bed. I hoped I had anyway. I was wearing dark blue jeans and red shirt with ¾ length sleeves that matched the colour of my lipstick. My hair was curled and I had put grey eye-shadow over my lids. I went out and Abby gave me a wolf whistle.

"Who you trying to impress?" She asked with a knowing look, before running into the bathroom.

"Ignore her, Neela, you look lovely," Luka said, looking up from the table where he was filling in some paperwork.

"You're sweet, no wonder Abby grabbed you," I said with a smile.

"I heard that!" Abby shouted from the bathroom.

"You were meant to!"

Luka laughed, "You two are insufferable, when are you leaving?"

I checked my watch, "Crap, half an hour ago!"

He chuckled again, "Have fun."

Abby came out of the bathroom, "Are you going?"

"Yes, I'm already late!"

"It's Barnett, he's always late."

"I'm not though, I should be setting a good example or something!" I said with a smile, "I'll try not to be too late back."

"Be as late as you want, just don't wake me up. If you do, I'll have to kill you," Abby said, with a serious look on her face.

"Alright!" I said, as I walked out of the door.

I got off the El and walked towards the club feeling incredibly excited. It had been months since I'd been out, and even then Michael and I always tended to go for a meal, we had never been to a club. And of course, I was going to see Ray perform.

There is something about Ray when he's up on stage, something bloody magical. He looks so beautiful when he's concentrating so hard on his singing, or his guitar. It was always fantastic to see him practising at home -I mean our apartment, when it was "our's". But on stage, with the audience going wild around him... Let's just say it's very hard not to be one of those girls who throw their clothes off and wait in his dressing room. That's a true story, he told me.

I was about to go and queue with the rest of the crowd, it was a bloody long line but I didn't have much choice, when I heard a call behind me;

"Dr Neela!" I looked and saw Brett running up to me. "Hey, what are you doing lining up? You're on the guest list."

"I am?"

"Sure! You think Ray would let his favourite room-mate queue up with all the rest of these maniacs?"

"He never said," I said, ignoring the "favourite room-mate" bit.

"Come on," he said, making his way to the bouncers. "Hey Joey. This is Neela Rasgotra, her name's on the list."

The bouncer checked his list, then opened the velvet ropes. "Have a nice night," he said cheerfully. I always found it weird hearing something so nice coming from those big burly men, but I'd been to a few gigs and stuff with Ray and realised that no matter how scary a bouncer was, they were usually just a friendly guy underneath. In fact, many of them had a fondness for licorice. Another of the stories Ray had told me.

I followed Brett into the welcome room, gave the girl my coat and then let him pull me through the crowded dance floor to the bar. I used to try and push through myself, trying to be independent, but I'd soon realised it was just a hell of a lot easier to let someone tall pull you through. People didn't tend to notice someone of my height meekly squeaking "Excuse me!"

"I'd buy you a drink, but I'm broke. And we're on in five minutes!"

"You're cutting it fine," I said, laughing. Brett _always _cut it fine.

He gave me raised eyebrows, "Actually, so are you. What's happened to the punctual Dr Neela I used to know and love?"

"She realised her outfit had been coloured in with felt tips five minutes before she was due to put it on and had to make a new plan." He gave me a confused look, "I'm staying with Abby and her eighteen month old daughter."

"Oh!" He said, grinning, "I don't see why you don't just stay with Ray, he's got the room. Hasn't he asked you yet?"

I shook my head. "It's fine at Abby's."

"I'll have a word with him, teach him some manners," Brett gave me a smile, "Got to go and impress my fans, I'll see you after."

I wanted to tell him not to say anything to Ray about the apartment but he had already disappeared into the crowd. I sat on one of the only empty bar stools and ordered a rum and coke. I was in the mood for trying something new, and I remembered the beer here was pretty disgusting. I turned when I heard the opening chords of a familiar song. Ray was standing centre stage, a spotlight on him, his guitar in hand, fingers walking up and down the frets. I tried to look at the others, Brett was singing this one, but my eyes kept drifting back to Ray. Every now and again he'd look up at the audience and give his grin, before singing a harmony into the microphone.

The next time he looked up his eyes scanned the audience before locking on me. There was another moment like that one in the kitchen when I felt him trying to tell me something. I looked back at him, knowing I should look away but feeling unable to drag my eyes away. I felt like he wasn't just looking at me, but he was looking inside me. I felt like if I'd wanted to I could have parted the crowd with a wave of my hand and walked straight to him. I felt like all I needed to do was start walking to him and everything would be once I was in his arms.

Then my cell phone rang.

I cursed to myself, muttering even though no-one would be able to hear me over the music. I flipped it open as I tried to push past everyone, but of course I was going in the wrong direction -everyone else was trying to get _to _the stage, not away from it. "Hello?" I shouted.

"Neela?" I could barely hear but I recognised my name.

"One minute!" Finally I burst out of the main room of the club and walked along the corridor to the toilets. "Hi, sorry. Who is it?"

"It's Michael."

"Michael..." I breathed.

"I'm sorry, it's late there isn't it? I thought you might be sleeping." I could hear the implication in his tone; _But you're obviously not._

"No, I'm at a club."

"Oh."

God, should a conversation with your husband be this tense? I guess it would when the last conversation you'd had with him had been you telling him you were leaving to go stay in another city.

"I miss you Neela."

"I miss you too," I lied, trying to sound cheery, "How is it in Texas?"

"We just arrived an hour or so ago, it seems fine."

"Oh," I said again, unable to think of anything else.

"Are you having fun? How's Abby?"

"She's fine. Jasmyn's a rascal. Yeah, it's lovely seeing everyone. I went to the hospital a couple of times."

He gave a forced laugh, "Good old County. Everything ok there?"

"Yup."

"Good."

There were a few moments of silence then I said, "Well, it was nice talking to you, Michael. I'd better go."

"Neela, please... we need to talk."

"Do we?"

"Of course, I need to know... what are you thinking? Please don't hate me... I wish we didn't have to move but I can't do anything about it... Neela, talk to me, I'm your husband, I only want the best for you."

"I know Michael." If only he knew this had nothing to do with us moving, or if it did, that was the least of our problems.

"Do you still love me Neela? Because I love you."

"I... I have to go," I said, before hanging up quickly and then switching my phone off. I couldn't say it to him, I had only just admitted it to myself, but I couldn't stop the words echoing through my mind, the words I should have said a long time ago.

_No, I don't love you any more Michael._

**A/N MWAHAHA! Wanna know why I'm laughing evilly? Well, I shall tell you, I have finally managed to get this posted! I got round the system! Fanfic wasn't let me post, but my lovely friend Belle (hear more about her on our brilliant site, MeBe which is listed as my hompage -it's a site for every fan of fanfiction!) I managed to get around it. Oh ya! Anyway, hope you liked! More very soon!**


	8. Ray, 'appy times!

**A/N Thanks for all your reviews! You're lovely. I got stuck on the chapter title, so I used a bit of an inside joke... it doens't matter though.**

Chapter 8 -Ray

"_Say it's true. Say you like me (I like you) Just for the night. For me it's been eternity."_

-Motion City Soundtrack "Attractive Today"

When I got off the stage I went to the dressing room and splashed my face with cold water. It wasn't particularly because I was so hot, it was because I felt mind-boggled. That moment with Neela had been overwhelming. God, I thought to myself...

I didn't know what to think. Sure, she'd been looking at me, but did that mean anything? No, of course it didn't. And she'd gone off with her cell phone a minute after. In fact it had probably just been a glance on her part, not the soul searching look I'd felt. But still, I couldn't help hoping... I shook my head. _Get a grip of yourself Barnett, she's a married woman. She left you, she's made it quite clear what her feelings are. Get over her, and get over yourself._

I wished I could listen to myself.

I walked out of the dressing room after changing my top. I walked passed the security guy and into the packed out club. I scanned the room for Neela but couldn't see her anywhere. She must have left... I felt crushed. Then I saw Brett waving to me from a table, the band and a couple of girls were all sitting with him. I walked over to him, and saw that one of the girls was Neela. I couldn't stop myself from grinning like a kid on Christmas. She'd stayed.

"Where were you?" Matt asked, his arm around a hot blonde girl. Ah, the perks of being in a band.

I sat down next to Neela, call me crazy, but she looked better than all the other girls at the table combined. All the girls in the club. Oh man, I still had it bad. The sight of her wearing make up sent chills down my spine, and I couldn't help thinking about what her lipstick would taste of.

"Ray?" I realised I hadn't answered.

"Oh, just changing my shirt."

"Oh right," Matt grinned at me.

"What?"

"Nothing, just you don't usually change your shirt. I wonder what could be different about tonight..." He said rolling his eyes around the table before looking in Neela's direction with a smile.

"Shut up," I muttered. I was way too easy to read.

"Great set, some of my favourites," Neela said with a smile.

"Did you like the new stuff?"

She nodded, "Yeah, it was good."

"Who phoned you?" I asked, before thinking. Then I wished I could reverse time, I had just admitted that I'd been watching her -otherwise, how would I know she'd gotten a call? Why was it that when I was around Neela, or even thinking about her, I would say things that got me in trouble?

She didn't say anything about me acting like a stalker though, "Michael."

"Oh... is he alright?"

She nodded. "You want a drink?" She said, changing the subject pretty quickly. I was thankful, but wondered why. Just like I wondered why she'd been crying this morning. But it was one of those things I could never ask. There were so many unspoken questions between us, sometimes I thought I'd bust from wanting. Of course, asking questions wasn't the only thing I yearned to do.

"I'll get them," I said, getting up. Yet another rookie mistake, because everyone turned to me;

"You getting a round in Barnett? I'll have a beer," Brett said.

I groaned then counted heads, "Eight beers? I'm not getting anything else, so it's beer or nothing."

"Beer's fine."

I looked at Neela's almost empty cup and saw she'd been drinking coke and something. I bent down and whispered, "Since you're my Roomie, you can have something else, but don't let those vultures know."

She smiled, "Beer's fine."

"Come on, what were you drinking?"

"Hurry up man! I'm parched," Brett called.

"Rum and coke," Neela said quickly, "Thanks."

Anything for that smile, I thought to myself.

It was early in the morning before we stumbled out of the club. Neela clutched onto me, but I wasn't much use seeing as I'd probably had more to drink than her. "Abby's going to kill me, I bet I wake her up."

"You wanna stay at mine?"

"Did Brett talk to you?" She asked, closing one eye as she looked at me.

"No, why?"

"Oh, no reason... are you sure it's not a bother?"

"I told you, you're never a bother." We had one of those moments of staring again, but considering I was swaying slightly and she had one eye closed it didn't quite have the same impact.

"Alright. You'll have to lend me pyjamas."

I laughed, "Yeah, because I have plenty of girl's pyjamas."

She grinned. Then Matt shouted over, "Hey, are we dropping you two off somewhere?"

"Shit, no! I'm not getting in a van with you lot, you're all drunk."

"Like you're not Barnett," he said with a grin, "Besides, Samina here doesn't drink and offered to drive."

I looked at Neela, she shrugged. Normally I knew she would never get into a car being driven by someone she didn't know, but she was too drunk to think irrationally tonight, or rationally some might say. We went over and climbed in the back. I sat down and was shocked when she sat in my lap.

"I don't have good balance," she slurred.

"Ok, but I'm not sure whether I do either tonight."

We literally fell into the apartment, once I'd finally managed to wrestle the key round in the lock. She looked at me from the floor and smiled. "I missed you Barnett."

"I missed you too, Roomie."

I wanted to kiss her so badly, but no matter how much beer I'd had -I always knew better than that. I didn't want to lose her friendship, not when I'd only just got it back again. And if I kissed her she'd run a mile, and yeah I'd probably get a visit from an angry solider which wasn't my idea of fun.

"We should probably get off the floor," she said, laughing.

"Yup, but I don't think I can."

"Me either."

"_Ray, I'm moving out."_

"_What, why?"_

"_I think we both know why."_

I got up quickly as that night flashed through my head. I'd been trying to impress her with my cooking, and she'd come home from the surgery conference and told me. I never knew why she'd decided then that she had to move out. All I knew was it was soon after that she was gone and I was left alone.

"Ray, are you alright?" She said, getting up and following me.

"Yeah... yeah I'm fine." I felt pretty sobered now, my mind full of depressing times, of wallowing, of tears.

"What's wrong?"

"Nothing."

She looked at me as if she knew better, but repaid me the favour I'd done her a few days ago by not asking about it. "Ok. Wanna watch poker?"

I smiled, "God, I really have missed you." _Move back in with me? _I asked silently. Yet another thing I couldn't ask out loud.

We went and sat on the couch. Oh, damn good memories from this couch. Nights of movies, take outs, and poker. Endless jokes, songs, and tickling. And the most recent and memorable, falling asleep with her in my arms and waking up with her in my arms. I loved this couch.

She switched the t.v on and settled back. "Must remember not to fall asleep here again."

_I wouldn't mind. _"I know, it was bloody uncomfortable."

"I'm rubbing off on you, you said bloody!"

"I called Matt a twat at practise the other day," I said, with a smile.

"You're just turning British aren't you? At least when it comes to swearing. I must be a bad influence."

I laughed. A few minutes later I asked one of my myriad of questions; "Hey Neela, how long are you staying here?"

"The night?" She replied.

"No, not _here. _I mean in Chicago."

"Oh... I don't know."

"What about work?" I knew I should stop pushing, but I had to know, had to prepare myself for her departure.

"I'm just using up all my leave."

I raised an eyebrow, "Won't you need that?"

She shook her head, "No. I'm leaving there anyway, we're relocating apparently."

"Oh, you never said." Relocating _apparently. _Interesting turn of phrase... I thought to myself.

"No... I guess I didn't."

"Do you know where to yet?" I was just trying to seem interested, but she glared at me and snapped;

"Actually, I don't know if I'm going with him."

I was taken aback. I knew I'd gone too far with my probing, for both her sake and mine. Because she'd let something slip that I'd never thought I'd ever hear, except in my dreams. She was unhappy with Michael. She might not be moving with him. That meant...

"I'm sorry Neela, I didn't mean to pry."

"No, I'm sorry," she sighed, "I should get narky with you it's just... god I wish I had someone to talk to sometimes about it all. But Abby's busy with Jasmyn and..."

"You have me."

She gave me a small, unamused smile, "I can't talk to you about being unhappy with my husband."

I wanted to ask why, but knew I couldn't. I thought I knew why, but I would have liked it confirmed for once. This conversation was the closest Neela had ever come to telling me she had feelings for me. Even when she'd told me she was moving out I'd thought it was my fault, my feelings were to blame. Now though... she seemed to be saying she couldn't talk to me because I was too close to the situation. Or maybe I was just big-headed.

She got up, "I'm really tired, where should I sleep?"

"Um, your old room I guess. Don't worry, I changed Brett's sheets. I'll get you something to sleep in."

"I'll just go to the bathroom," she said, heading in that direction.

I went to my room and dug through my draws before pulling out a big black t-shirt. It reminded me of another one she used to like sleeping in, one I'd given to her as a present. I wondered if she'd ever opened it...

"Here you go," I said, handing it to her at the door of her room.

"Thanks, night."

"Night Roomie."

The next morning as we were eating a breakfast of Lucky Charms my phone rang. "My head," I mumbled as I went to answer it. "Ray Barnett."

"Barnett, it's Weaver. You need to come in for the afternoon shift."

"But I'm off," I said, before remembering this was Weaver, and no-one argues with Weaver.

"I don't care, Pratt's called in and we need someone. You're top of my list. I'll see you in a few hours." She hung up.

"Great, I'm going to kill him," I said to myself as I walked back into the kitchen.

"What's up?" Neela asked, munching on her cereal.

"Pratt's called in, again, and I have to cover for him."

"I'll get him for you," she said with a laugh, "When?"

"Afternoon shift."

"At least it's not a night shift."

"Yeah, but I'm dog tired."

"Your own fault Barnett," she said, with a smile.

"How can you not be worn out?"

She shrugged, "Just lucky I guess. I think I'll come in with you, see everyone again."

"Alright, I'm just going to get a shower." At least the El journey would be good. Like old-times...

As Neela and I walked in I went up to the desk, "Hey Jerry. Please tell me he has a good reason."

Jerry smiled, "'Fraid so, he's broken his ankle. He'll be off for at least six weeks. Probably more."

"Shit. Who's covering him in the mean time?"

Jerry looked at me.

"You're kidding me?"

He shrugged, "I don't think Weaver's got anyone else lined up."

"We're short staffed as it is..." I muttered, walking towards the locker room.

Neela walked after me, "What's up?"

"He's broken his ankle. Which means yours truly gets to cover most of his shifts for the next six weeks."

She winced, "Oh dear."

"Indeed."

"I'm going to go say hi to people, I'll see you later alright?"

"Sure, see you." As she walked back down the corridor I couldn't help looking at her. All I wanted to do was to run after her and tell her everything I felt for her. All I wanted was for her too tell me she felt the same.

A couple of hours later I saw her again, at the desk, talking to Jerry. "Hey," I said, "You want to get lunch?"

"Sure," she said, "I've missed canteen food."

I laughed and we walked to the elevator.

"How's it been then?" She asked as we waited to get to the right floor.

"Busy. But alright, I keep having to tell people to talk quietly though. And Weaver's looks could definitely kill I've decided."

"She's not that bad, I was talking to her before."

"Oh?"

"Yeah about Henry and... stuff."

"She's nice to everyone, except me."

Neela shook her head, "Oh woe is Ray."

I put my hand to my chest, "Yep, everyone hates me."

Before I could hear her clever retort the elevator doors opened and we walked out. Once we'd grabbed some jacket potatoes we sat down at a table.

"So what else were you talking to Weaver about?"

"Um... Pratt." I gave her a questioning look and she added, "He's definitely off for the next six weeks."

"Right. And this was interesting conversation because..."

"You're so caring about your friends."

"Hey, he's got me covering his shifts!"

"Actually," she said, with a mischievous look, "That's what I was talking to Weaver about."

"What?" I said, feeling stupid, but I had no idea what she was talking about.

"I was wondering if she'd let me take over Pratt's shifts, until he's better."

My eyes widened. "You have to be kidding?"

She shook her head and smiled at me. "Looks like I'm back at County for a while."

I got up and walked round to her, before pulling her into a big hug, "Aw I love you Neela Rasgotra."

"I love you too," she said quietly, and my heart felt like it was trying to escape my body. Neela was staying in Chicago for at least six weeks. And after that... who knew?

**A/N Hope you liked! And I hope this is the right chapter... I'm getting really confused because I've just finished writing chapter 10, and I'm posting chapter 8... something I never do! Please review! I need some nice ones so I can forget... something. (long story -yet again)**


	9. Neela, drooling over stephescopes

**Disclaimer: I don't know about any of the legalities of resignation etc. So just bare with me -it's not that important. Also, I can't remember the exact order of attendings, residents etc. and I don't know where Neela would be by now, so again -bare with me.**

**A/N The stethoscope thing in this chapter is something I _always _notice. I don't know if you guys know what I mean, but I think it's highly cute! grins **

Chapter 9 -Neela

"_Who'd'ya think you're kiddin', He's the Earth and heaven to you, Try to keep it hidden, _ _Honey, we can see right through you"_ - Disney's Hercules "I won't Say (I'm in love) 

I couldn't believe it as I walked through the doors and headed to the locker room. I was back at County. Granted, it was only for a few weeks to help them out, but I was back. I'd called up my old hospital and told them I was resigning, and that I would take the rest of my leave instead of working my notice. I went to my old locker automatically before remembering that one wasn't mine any more and turning to my new one. It was weird how I had just fallen back into the routine of coming to the locker room and grabbing my lab coat. At my other hospital it had been policy that you were already wearing a lab coat when you came in.

I went out and went to the desk. Jerry grinned, "Welcome back Dr Rasgotra."

"Thanks Jerry. Who's the attending today?"

"Barnett."

"Oh," I said, trying not to smile. Of course I was glad Ray was on. We were friends... We'd spent a lot of time together in the last week (since I'd first asked Weaver about taking Pratt's position temporarily) either round at his, or going out. It had been fun, just like old times.

"Alright people, let's check out the board," Ray said, walking up to the desk with his usual grin. He gave me a special smile then turned to the med-students who had clustered into the reception area, "This is Dr Rasgotra by the way, she'll be taking Dr Pratt's place while he's at home with a beer. I mean of course healing his ankle. So, what do we have?"

I loved the way he was so at ease with the students. I remember when I'd been a student and had first arrived at County I'd been terrified. I would have loved someone like Ray to be there to help me through with a laugh. Of course he'd arrived at County after me, and was still in his rebel "this is just a day job" phase, so he'd been little more than useless. Now though, he was a fantastic doctor and a great teacher. He'd really grown-up. He'd obviously kept his humour though.

We got to work pretty quickly, and it was just as I remembered. Busy as hell, but fun and exciting too. The student's made me laugh with their odd questions and statements and I cringed a couple of times, realising that's how I must have seemed to everyone back then. Best of all was Ray though, he helped out on student's cases as well as sorting out his own patients quickly and efficiently. I didn't know how he did it, he'd always been quicker than me, but I'd put that down to him not being very thorough. Now I realised that he was thorough, he just managed to do it quicker than me. Perhaps he had something going with the woman in the chem labs, I mused to myself as I saw him dismiss a patient after less than half an hour, when I was still waiting on test results from a patient I'd seen an hour ago.

"You alright Neela?" He asked, slinging his arm round my shoulder, "How's your first day at County?"

I laughed, "Same as always. You're still the Dispo Doctor."

He grinned, "No-one's called me that in a while."

"Hey that's what I'm here for, embarrassing memories and reminiscing."

"Two GSWs coming in now," Jerry called over. Ray grabbed his stethoscope from a near-by gurney and put it round his neck, still holding onto both ends as he said; "We'd better scedaddle."

How could he make putting a stethoscope on so cute?

When the day was finally finished we decided to go to Ike's along with Sam, Jerry, and Chuni -all the old crowd- to celebrate me being back. It was Ray's idea, but it sounded like fun. He bought a round for everyone and brought it over to the table.

"Where'd you get the money for all this?" I asked.

"Never you mind," he replied with a wink.

"Welcome back to hell, Neela," Sam said, taking her drink.

I laughed, "Thanks for the encouragement, Sam!"

"So did you miss us?" She asked.

"Yeah, I really did. My old hospital was so... unfriendly. They never went out for drinks or anything."

"That's terrible," Jerry said, taking a long drink, "A work force needs to bond, as Weaver would say."

"Oh yeah, I'm sure Weaver would love us all getting drunk after a shift," Ray said.

"I'm really glad your back anyway, beats having some temp' none of us know," Sam said, "At least we know you are actually a doctor!"

"Thanks," I replied with a grin.

When we finally decided it would be a good idea to leave I walked to the El with Ray, "You want to come back to mine?" He asked.

"Oh, I don't know, it's pretty late, and I'm on earlies."

"I'm on in the afternoon... Look Neela, I've been thinking about this for a while but um..." he paused.

"What?"

"Oh... you know what it doesn't matter." He began to turn away, but I caught his sleeve.

"No come on, you can't leave me like that, what's up?"

"I was wondering if... maybe... you'd like to... move in again?" I barely got a chance to open my mouth before he added, "No, of course not, I'm sorry that was a stupid idea. I just thought that it might give you some space, I know how busy Abby and Luka are with Jasmyn, and since you'll be on different shifts she might keep you awake, and we always have fun and... but yeah it's stupid."

I knew it probably was a bad idea. I was too close to him as it was. Everything was happening again, but now it could hurt more. I couldn't help myself though. "You've got yourself a deal, Roomie."

He looked at me, shocked, "What?"

"I'd love to move back in."

He grinned, "That's great."

"I'll come round tomorrow with my stuff, after work."

"Ok... here's a key, Brett gave me his back yesterday." He pulled out a keyring with a lone key on it and handed it to me. Then he smiled again, "I can't believe we're going to be Roomies again."

"I know," I said, grinning stupidly. It was wrong, it was a bad idea, but it felt so ridiculously right.

The next night I let myself into my apartment. It was mine again. No, it was ours again. I knew I shouldn't be doing this, I shouldn't even still be in Chicago. I should be back at the house, packing everything up again, missing Michael. But I wasn't. I was such a bad person, but for once I just didn't care. I'd missed everyone here too much to worry about doing the right thing. For once I was doing something I wanted to do, not something I thought I should do. And it felt great. There was still that voice in my head, telling me to walk out the door, that I was taking this too far, I was going to fall too hard to get back up again, but I quashed it. It wasn't like I was doing _everything _I wanted to. There were some things I could never do. And yeah, most of them were with Ray.

I had just settled down to watch t.v, after unpacking my stuff -yes I _was_ one of those people that unpacked straight away- when my cell phone rang. It was Michael. He'd called me at least two times every day since the night of Ray's gig, usually more. I hadn't answered yet though. But, I needed to talk to him, I needed to tell him...

"Hello?" I answered, warily.

"Neela," he sighed, as if relieved. "I thought... why haven't you been answering your phone?"

"I lost my charger," I lied.

"Oh... Well, I was a little worried about you."

"Why?"

"Neela the last time we talked was almost two weeks ago, and that was so... Neela, I miss you and I just want to talk to you. We need to sort this out, I don't want anything to come between us."

"I've taken a job at County," I said suddenly.

"What?"

"I've taken a job at County. Pratt broke his ankle and they needed someone to fill in."

"But... what about your other job?"

"I resigned."

"Oh..." he obviously didn't know what to say. I wasn't surprised, it was completely out of the blue for him. "How long are you going to be staying there then?"

"Six weeks."

"I see... do you think Abby would mind if I came and visited you?"

No, Abby won't mind -I might though, I thought, but instead I said; "Well, actually I'm not staying with Abby."

"You're not?"

"No, I moved back in with Ray. It's got more space and..." I trailed off. Because obviously I was living here because of the space.

"Oh." He sounded so defeated. Guilt washed over me. What was I doing? Michael was a great man, he did not deserve to be treated this way.

"So there'd definitely be enough room for you to come visit," I said, cheerily.

"Well then, I guess I'll have to," he said, "I'll see if I can get the next weekend but one off. Would that be ok?"

"Of course," I lied, "I can't wait to see you."

"I can't wait to see you either. We can have a proper talk, yeah?"

"Of course," I said again. "Bye Michael."

"Bye," he hung up.

It looked like I was having a visitor. I was sure Ray wouldn't mind, he had friend's over all the time after all, but I did mind. I felt like Chicago, County, everyone were mine. My friends, my places. But of course, that was silly, Michael had been here before me. Except, he hadn't been _here_ -this place was mine. Ray was mine. Except of course, he wasn't. He was my friend, sure, but he wasn't mine. Not any more, I'd lost that chance years ago.

**A/N This is a shorter chapter than the one's you're used to by now, with my lo-ong chapters. But, I hope it's good anyway and there will definitely be more soon! And I just re-read this, it's in a pretty different style to my other Neela chapter's isn't it? Hope it doesn't bother people, it's just the way it came out... with her talking to the "audience". Not sure why...**

**Oh and I'm really sorry you guys, but I'm afraid I'm going on holiday in a week. Which means, please don't kill me, I'm forced to update at least twice a day from now until around tuesday so I can get this finished before I go. I hope you don't mind that many updates? There might even have to be more some days... sorry. lol!**


	10. Ray, roomie fluff!

**A/N In my plan, this chapter was labelled simply: "Roomie Fluff." I hope it lives up to it's title! Can I also add, I do NOT approve of drinking games. At all. But you know, for the purposes of staying in character... lol, you shall see what I'm talking about when you read. And no, I didn't actually try this. Btw.**

Chapter 10- Ray

"_I'm only dancing, She turns me on, But I'm only dancing"_

-David Bowie "John, I'm only dancing"

"Hey Neela!" I said, cheerfully. I said it every single time I came into the apartment, not just a 'hey' that could be directed to anyone, but "hey Neela". Because it let me know that she was still here. She was living with me again. And I was so totally happy about it. I didn't care that she nagged me about the mess of the living room after Brett had been round, or that she cooked pretty badly. She was my Roomie, and I lo... liked her a whole lot. Slip of the tongue there, almost said that one word I could never say. Because no matter how long she was living with me, no matter how many nights we spent slobbing on the sofa, she was always off limits.

"Hi Roomie," she called back, from the kitchen. I went in, and she smiled at me from the cooker.

"Um... what are you... doing?" I asked, nervously.

She grinned and stepped to the side so I could see a pizza box in the oven. "I'm just keeping it warm, don't worry. God, your face."

"Don't scare me like that," I said, smiling.

She pouted playfully, "Are you saying my cooking scares you?"

"Yes."

She looked astonished, "Ray! That's when you're meant to say 'no of course not, it's great I just prefer take away'."

I shrugged, "Sorry, but I'm a bad liar."

She hit me on the arm, "Loser."

"Ow, that hurt," I said with a grin. She hit me again and I pinned her against the cupboard, "You better say sorry."

"What are you going to do about it?"

"Tickle you, duh."

"I'd like to see you try," she said, squirming out of my grip and running towards the lounge. She turned round and stuck her tongue out at me.

"Are you drunk or something?" I said, following her.

She gave me a look, "No. Why? Am I only fun when I'm drunk?"

"Nope, but you're a hell of a lot more serious when you're sober."

"I'm guessing that's why you get so much beer when you're shopping then. I must be boring." She slumped onto the sofa, looking defeated. I wished I hadn't said anything now.

"Neela, I don't think you're boring. Would I have asked you to move in again if you were boring?"

"You felt sorry for me."

"God, what's up with you tonight?" I said, walking over and sitting next to her. I put my arms round her, "I do not feel sorry for you, that is not why we're room mates. That is not why I spend every night hanging out with you, messing about like the crazy fools we are."

She laughed, a little.

"See, I knew I could get you laughing."

"No you can't," she said, petulantly.

"Want to make a wager on that, Dr Rasgotra?"

"Yes, because I'd win."

"Oh yeah?"

"Yeah."

I pushed her over so she was lying on the couch and then began to tickle her. She clamped her mouth shut but was soon laughing hysterically and screaming. "Told you, take it back."

"Alright, alright, I take it back!"

"Say you are the best, Ray."

"Never," she said, squirming uncontrollably.

"Wrong answer!" I said, tickling her harder.

"Stop it!"

"You know what you have to say."

"Fine fine, you-are-the-best-Ray," she said, quickly. I sat back;

"See, that wasn't so hard was it?"

"I am so going to get you back for that."

"I think not."

"When you least expect it," she said with a smile. I grinned back, looking into her chocolate brown eyes. Oh god, she was perfect for me. We were interrupted by a loud beeping.

"Shit, the pizza!" She yelled, running into the kitchen. Smoke was pouring out of the oven and the smoke alarm was going crazy. I ran to the bathroom and grabbed a towel. Then I joined her, jumping up and down and flapping the towel crazily, trying to clear the air.

Finally it stopped beeping and we looked at each other. Both of us were worn out from our strange antics, and her hair had taken on a wild look. I burst out laughing, and before long so did she. My eyes were stinging from the smoke, and the laughing didn't help. Soon tears were running down my cheeks and I had to sit down.

"You can't even cook take out."

She spluttered, "Oh fuck, stop it, my stomach is killing me."

I laughed even harder. "What the hell would we have done if a fire started? Sorry officer, we were keeping a pizza box warm?"

She shook her head, "I can't bloody believe it. I should just stay out of the kitchen."

"But then I'd have no material to blackmail you with. Talking of which..."

"Oh no," she said, walking over to me and clamping a hand against my mouth, "You will not tell anyone about this Barnett."

I mumbled against her mouth.

"Nope, I am not letting go until you promise me."

I considered for a moment, then licked her hand. She pulled it away.

"That is bloody disgusting!"

I grinned, "Sorry, but I can't promise not to mention gold like this."

"You bloody will."

"Stop swearing, it's not right in a young lady like yourself," I said, getting up. I needed to be prepared to run.

"Shut up!"

"Make me!" I said, before darting to the living room. I jumped onto the couch but slipped on the t.v guide. My feet went out from under me and I ended up on the floor. All I could hear was Neela laughing hysterically behind me.

"Oh I can't wait to tell Abby about this!" She said.

Later that night I was getting laughed at by a large and varied mix of people. It wasn't particularly my idea of fun, but Neela and I had had equally embarrassing stories, and since I couldn't resist telling everyone about her "cooking" fiasco, I suppose it was only fair she told them about mine. We were out with the band, plus various members of their entourage, as well as Abby, Sam and Chuni. Neela had been going out with the three others, when I'd invited her to my gig. They'd all been interested in coming -for some reason- so now we were all out, having beer. And laughing at me...

"I bet you're going to have a bruise tomorrow, Barnett," Abby said, grinning.

"God, are you lot ever going to get over this?"

"Nope," Brett said, with a wide smile. He moved closer to Smith. "So, what's your first name?" I heard him say under his breath, "Our Ray's bad at introductions."

I guess Callie was old news.

I turned to Neela, "You're so dead."

"Payback, I told you I'd get you back."

"For what?" Abby asked.

"Oh he tickled me to death, and made me say he was the best."

"You two are so childish," she said, shaking her head.

Neela looked outraged, "It's him that's childish!"

Abby raised her eyebrows, "You're both as bad as each other!"

I laughed and stuck my tongue out at her. She poked hers back then laughed, "Alright, I guess I am."

I took a swig of beer, "Ah sweet nectar."

"It's rank," she said.

"It's so not. You just can't handle it."

"I could drink you under the table."

"That sounds like a challenge," I said, grinning smugly. "And I think we both know who would win."

"Yes, me."

"No way, I've had more practise than you."

"You think so?" She said, raising her eyebrows, "You don't know me at all Barnett."

I laughed, "Oh tough talk, but I think you're bluffing."

"Would you two shut up? God!" Abby said.

Neela and I shared an oh-moody-or-what?-look. "Fine we shall continue our conversation at the bar."

I got up and followed her through the club. "You know I'm going to win, you may as well give up now before you embarrass yourself."

"Wanna bet on that?"

"Two beers please," I said to the bar guy. "No, I don't want to take your money as well as your pride."

She grabbed her beer, "Bring it on, Barnett."

"Two more beers," she slurred, half an hour later. I'd lost count at how many we'd had. We were both stubborn but there was no way I was letting her win.

"Give up now," I said, trying to keep my eyes in focus. I grabbed the bottle and took a swig. We'd been "trash talking" all the way through our little challenge, but I had a feeling we were repeating ourselves a hell of a lot.

"No... way," she said, downing her bottle and then slamming it on the bar. "Ha!"

I downed mine too, "Two more please."

"I think you two have had enough," the barman said.

We looked at him in astonishment. "But how will we know who has won?" I said, speaking slowly.

He shrugged, "The hell if I know." He walked away to serve someone else.

Neela looked at me, her mouth open in shock. "Who won?"

"Me."

"How?"

"Because."

"Shut up."

"Dance with me."

"Alright."

Beer was a good thing, it took away your inhibitions. Although, I guess when you're in lo... like with your married room-mate, inhibitions were sometimes a good thing. We walked out onto the dance floor and she collapsed against me as someone tried to get passed. I laughed and held onto her.

"You can't even stand up."

"Can too." We were dancing now, just swaying a little, moving back and forth to the beat. I was a musician, even when I was completely out of it, I could find the beat. I put my hands on her hips and closed my eyes for a minute, savouring the moment. God, I wanted to do this more often. I wanted to do so much more than just dance with her. I opened my eyes and looked down at her. I smiled, I wanted to tell her how I felt. But I couldn't.

"Ray..." she whispered, I could barely hear her over the music.

"I know. I'm sorry," I let go of her, "We should get back to the others." I spoke clearly, I felt pretty sober all of a sudden.

"Yeah," she said, following me through the crowd. I sat down on my stool and almost fell off, I guess I wasn't as sober as I'd thought.

**A/N Hope you liked this! Tell me all in your lovely reviews!**


	11. Neela, back to reality

**A/N Well, I know you all loved the fluff. But as I said to someone in a review reply, that was the calm before the storm. Because my friends, nothing is ever simple in the life of our Roomies, especially not when they seem to have forgotten about a few words that Neela said... in an episode called "I Do" I believe.**

Chapter 11- Neela

"_You'd better take a weight off of your mind and listen _

_To what other people say,_

_'Cause things are going wrong your own way."_

-Belle and Sebastian, "Belle and Sebastian"

Fuck, I thought to myself as I woke up. Oh I was such an idiot. My head was thumping and I could barely peel my eyes apart. Why the hell did I drink so much? I could hardly remember last night... Except a hell of a lot of beer. I sat up, it felt so much worse. But I had to get up, I needed some water, my mouth was like the desert. I got out of bed and stumbled out of my room. I didn't even notice the calender.

I heard the shower as I went to the kitchen. I poured a glass of water, oh finally -liquid. I leaned against the counter. I was so messed up. "'S all Ray's fault," I mumbled.

"Aw, that ain't true." Talk of the devil, he was standing in the door way, looking very chipper. I hated that word. His hair was still wet and he was just wearing a pair of jeans. I felt my knees go week. Oh sweet lord... He winked at me, "I told you I could drink you under the table."

"I think I remember it being a draw actually."

"That's what I let you think, to save your pride," he said, smiling.

"Stop being so damn cheerful. I hate you right now."

"Have a shower, it helps. And painkillers. Mind you, I was up half the night throwing up so it's probably all out of my system."

"Lucky," I said, heading for the bathroom.

"You wouldn't be saying that if it was you."

"You better have cleaned up in here!" I nagged. I couldn't help it. I had to say _something._ I couldn't just leave him with that smug look on his face. He _so _didn't win.

He was right though, the shower helped. A little. I washed my hair and felt a lot fresher by the time I'd stepped out. I pulled on the fresh shirt and jeans I'd brought with me. I always wondered why clean clothes made you feel so much better, but they did. I went out, Ray was in the living room. So was Michael.

My first thought was; I hopeRay didn't answer the door in just his jeans.

Then I remembered, it was the weekend Michael was coming to stay. And I hadn't told Ray. And I'd forgotten myself. Oh... dear. Both men turned to look at me from the sofa. Both had hurt in their eyes. My throat closed up and tears began to fill my eyes, I didn't want either of them to hurt. That's why I'd tried to... I had messed up everything. Now everyone was getting hurt, and it was all my bloody fault.

"Hi!" I managed to croak out. "It's so good to see you, I've missed you." Ray turned away from me as Michael got up. He came and stood in front of me. I saw Ray sitting on the sofa out of the corner of my eye, jaw clenched. Then I turned to my husband. He looked down at me. _Please don't hate me. _I wasn't sure who I was talking to.

"Neela... I've missed you so much," he took me in his arms, hugging me tightly, as if he could only hold me tight enough I'd come back to him. He wasn't stupid, I'd held him for a fool, but he wasn't. He knew what was happening between us, he knew our marriage was breaking, the cracks were finally showing. And he still didn't want to let go. He was a better person than me, he had meant what he said on our wedding day. I'd thought I had too...

"Well, I'll leave you to it," Ray said, getting up. He didn't look at me as he walked out. I wanted to call after him but Michael took my hand and led me to the sofa.

"I asked him if he'd give us some space... I hope you don't mind."

"No," I said, feeling even more choked. I didn't want anyone to hate me, I just wanted everyone to be happy. But I was beginning to see there was no way this could have a happy ending. Either way someone was getting hurt. And it seemed to be up to me to pick who.

Michael looked at me, deep into my eyes, but there was no connection like there had been with Ray at his gig, over a sea of people. There was only a sofa between Michael and I, but there was no connection. He didn't bother with formalities, he just needed to know. "Neela, what's happened to us? I thought we were still happy. I thought... I thought I was what you wanted."

"Michael... we were happy."

"We're still married you know, we're not past tense," he said, his voice holding a little anger. I hadn't realised how strongly he still wanted us to be perfect.

"I know that Michael... I just, I don't think I can... I don't know what you want me to say!"

"I don't want you to _say _anything. I just want you to come home to me," he said.

"We don't have a bloody home," I muttered.

"See this is what I'm talking about. I knew you were angry that we have to relocate, but you won't talkto me about it! Don't shut me out Neela, please."

"You just said you didn't want me to say anything, now you want me to talk?"

"Don't be childish Neela. This is serious."

"Do you think I don't know how serious this? I am not taking this lightly," I took in a breath, "In fact I'm offended that you think I am."

"Oh for god's sake Neela! I just want us to go back to how we were. All I want is for us to happy again." He sighed then contiued, "I just... Neela, please don't shut me out. I'm your husband."

"I never ever forgot that Michael. I always wanted this to work, I've tried so hard..." I left the _I've given up so much _unspoeken, but he knew what I meant;

He nodded, "I know you've given up a lot, and you know how sorry I am for that. But it's just, we swore to be together, to love each other forever."

"Don't quote vows at me," I said, anger welling up inside me. Because I knew he was right, I had said that. I'd meant it too, once.

"Neela! I am just trying to say..." before he got a chance to finish the phone rang. We both turned to glare at it. Then I went and answered it.

"Hello?" I snapped.

"Neela?" It was Abby.

"Yes," I said, sighing, "Sorry, what's up?"

"Jasmyn's puking up and I was wondering if you could cover my shift. I know it's a bit much to ask but..."

I cut her off, "Abby, it's fine. When's your shift?"

"Pretty much now."

"Ok, I'll be there."

"Thanks Neela."

"It's alright," I said out loud. In my head I said, no thank _you_. I turned to Michael, "I have to go into the ER. Abby needs me to cover a shift."

He looked at me, stony eyed. "Can't he do it?" He motioned to Ray's door.

"Abby asked me."

"We need to talk."

"We can talk later, I need to go," I said, turning away from him. I needed to get away from him. I didn't know what he wanted me to say, I couldn't tell him that I wanted us to stay together forever. I couldn't lie any more. This situation had to end, if I was the one who had to end it -so be it. But I needed to be prepared. I didn't want to hurt him and I didn't want him to hate me, so I had to plan this.

"Where are you going?" Ray asked, coming out of his room as I pulled on my coat.

"Abby needs me to cover her shift," I said, quickly, without looking at him. I went out of the door and was about to close it but he followed me into the hall.

"What the hell are you doing?"

I looked up at him, he looked so angry. "I'm just... I don't know."

"Don't you think you should know? Why didn't you tell me he was coming? I could have used a bit of warning."

"I'm sorry, I was just waiting for the right time to tell you and..." I trailed off.

He sighed, "So... what? You're just going to leave him here?"

I shrugged.

"Fuck this Neela. I should not be the one who has to talk to your..." he paused, then spat out, "Your _husband _because you are too fucking scared."

"I'm not scared! I just don't want to..."

"You don't have a choice Neela, you can't run away from everything you know!"

He walked back into the apartment, leaving me standing on my own in the hall. I walked to the lift, tears running down my cheeks. He was right, I couldn't run away from everything. I couldn't run away from Michael like I'd run away from him. This had to stop, somehow I was going to have to sort this out. Because right now, I wasn't sure that either of them would ever forgive me, what did it matter if they hated me a little more? I wiped my tears on my hand, walking towards the El. What the hell was I going to do?

When I got into the ER it was business as usual. There were more patients than I'd thought we could possibly help, but Smith and I somehow managed to sort most of them out. Strangely, even though it was really busy, there weren't any traumas. Finally, we managed to take a break and grab some coffee. We were both standing in the Doctor's Lounge when I realised I didn't even know her first name.

"God, I feel really bad, I don't even know your first name," I said suddenly, adding milk to my coffee.

She laughed, "It's Caroline. Don't worry, I'm pretty much used to everyone calling me Smith by now. Plus Barnett -see we all use last names- Ray," she corrected herself, "Is totally useless at introductions."

I cringed. Just saying his name brought my mind back to the two men waiting for me in my apartment.

"Are you alright?"

"Oh yeah..." I took a swig of coffee and my eyes widened. It was terrible.

"You don't look alright."

"I'm fine," I said, swallowing quickly and casually placing the cup back down. "It's just..." It felt weird, talking to her about this, but I really needed to talk to someone. Abby wasn't here, Ray was obviously off limits... "My friend, she's got this relationship thing going on."

"Oh?"

"Yeah... she um, realised she isn't in love with her husband any more."

Smith, I mean Caroline's eyes widened, "That's pretty serious. What's she going to do?"

"She doesn't know, that's the problem. You see, he's in the army, and they're meant to be relocating. So she kind of has to tell him now, if she's going to."

Jerry pushed open the door, "Two traumas coming!" he shouted, before closing the door again.

Shit, as soon as I started talking, we got interrupted. Just my bloody luck. Caroline went for the door, "We'd better go."

"Yup, guess so," I made to follow her. As she got to the door she turned back and said;

"Just tell him Neela, you can't live a lie. If you don't love him, it'd be cruel to keep leading him on."

I didn't know what to say, so I just said, "Thanks." Then I added, "You're right."

**A/N I hope this was all right. I'm not sure if it's realistic or whatever because aged 16 I haven't had to have such a conversation with my soldier husband because I'm in love with my hot guitar playing room-mate. Yet, anyway... Please review!**


	12. Ray, the fine line between love and hate

Chapter 12- Ray

"_Heads up, damage control, there's a ring around her finger."_

_-_Motion City Soundtrack "Together We'll Ring in the New Year"

I don't think I'd ever been so pissed in all my life. Here I was sitting on _my _couch with _her _husband while he asked me what had gone with their marriage. Did he really think I gave a damn? I hated him, I didn't care if his marriage was falling apart. And as for his wife. I'd just been living my life, when she'd come into it -stirring everything up until I'd changed into someone I hadn't even recognised. At one time I'd thought she'd made me a better person. And then she left, leaving me to wallow in my own self pity like the fool I was. But the thing that made me an even greater fool was when she'd come back -I'd been happy.

All she had ever done was bring me trouble, and yet I had grinned like an idiot when she'd come back. I'd hugged her when she said she was going to work at County again. I'd asked her to move in again. I should have left her well enough alone, it sounded like some film line but my heart just couldn't take her. I _loved _her. She was the first woman I'd ever loved, and I'd never even kissed her. Then she goes and flaunts her husband in my face, it's like she's cutting me. I had forgotten about that ring, that ring that said I shouldn't feel for her. And she'd let me.

When she had left the first time she had left a deep cut, one that had been gradually healing with time. Then she'd come back and I thought it had healed forever. But I was a doctor, I should know there was no quick fix. Because today she had ripped it open again, wider and more painful. Fuck her, I thought, why do I care so much? Why the hell do I have to care about her at all? I should hate her, but I can't.

I love her.

"I love her," her husband said to me. His voice was filled with the anguish I too felt, he could show it -I couldn't.

I couldn't feel sorry for him. He had taken Neela from me. He had married her, he had spent two years of married life with her. And yes, he had hurt her -by going to Iraq, by taking her from Chicago, he had hurt her. For that reason alone I could hate him.

God, she had messed me up.

"I have to go to work soon," I said, with out feeling. "You can come with me. She'll have had a chance to cool off by now."

He nodded, "Yeah... thanks man."

I almost laughed. He shouldn't be thanking me.

I got up to get ready, not that it mattered. I put on some fresh clothes, grabbed my coat and bag then called through, "Are you ready?"

He came into the hall, he looked a mess. Poor guy, I thought to myself, she doesn't half mess with your mind does she? If only she wasn't so perfect, this wouldn't matter as much to either of us. I wasn't stupid, I knew the only reason I was so angry with her was because of the amount I cared for her, the amount of want I had for her. The fact that it just was not fair.

"Gallant, it's so good to see you," Jerry said as we walked into the ER. I glared at him and walked to the Doctor's Lounge.

"He's looking for Neela," I shouted back over my shoulder. Like I was going to help him look for her.

I grabbed my lab coat and stethoscope and threw my bag and coat into my locker. I wanted to hit something, I really did. I curled my hand into a fist and punched my locker, over and over until there was a dent in it and my hand was bloody. I turned and saw Neela standing before me. How long had she been there for?

"Ray..." she whispered, her brown eyes full of emotion.

"What?" I snapped.

"I'm so sorry."

"Right," I said, before walking out. I didn't need her pity, or apologies. I just needed her out of my life. If I couldn't tell her how I truly felt, I didn't want to see her at all. Yeah, I was an idiot, all this time I'd been back I'd been "waiting for the right moment" as she put it. Now I realised there would never be a right moment, she was married.

As I stormed down the corridor I heard my name behind me. I ignored it, thinking it was Neela, then it was shouted again and I realised it wasn't her.

"Barnett!" I span round and glared at Weaver. She gave me her own death glare back. "What the hell do you think you're doing, defacing hospital property?"

"I..." I wanted to shout, but the anger just left me, leaving me unable to say anything. I just collapsed against the wall and held my head in my hands.

"Come on, let me sort your hand out," she spoke, in what had to be the softest voice I'd ever heard from her.

I let her lead me to an exam room, she closed the curtain and took out a suture kit. "I'm sorry. I just..."

She cut me off with a wave of her hand, she didn't look at me -only my hand. "Henry cut his hand up playing in the park, he fell over and skidded on his hands. Looked a bit like this. Of course he was wailing."

"You should have seen the other guy," I said wryly.

"Of course, this was self-inflicted so you can't expect much sympathy."

"True."

She glanced up at me, "Don't be angry with her. It isn't just her fault you're all in this situation."

I gaped at her, Kerry Weaver, head of staff, knew about Neela and I's problem? God, it was true she had eyes everywhere.

"I'm not angry just at her," I sighed, "I'm just angry mostly. I don't know who I'm supposed to direct it at. I'm not a big believer in a higher power or anything, so it can't be their fault."

"Maybe it isn't anyone's fault. Perhaps these things just happen." She sat up straight, "There you go. Now, step out of this mood and step into being a doctor. If I see you treating one patient in anything but the most considerate manner because you're in a mood I will be on your ass so fast you'll wish the locker had got the best of you."

She left the room, and I was left staring at the door. Surreal much?

That day I decided I was very glad I was a doctor, it was near impossible to think about your own problems when faced with the myriad of cases you got in the ER. I didn't even see Neela or Gallantuntil the end of theday -much to my thankfulness. I don't know if I'd have been able to cope with seeing them together. It had been bad enough hearing them having their "conversation" this morning.

I came back from surgery, towards the end of shift, and heard raised voices in one of the exam rooms. I could see the shadow of Gallant and I guessed that him and Neela were probably "talking." I knew I should, but I couldn't help listening. Yeah, it wasn't all Neela's fault my hear kept breaking -it was my own bloody fault. Utterly and completely. I knew I shouldn't for my own good but I did.

"Look, let's just stay calm. Alright?"

"Michael!" Neela sounded close to tears, and she sounded terrified. What the hell was going on in there?

"Neela, it's alright. He's not going to hurt you is he?"

What? I thought.

Then another voice spoke, rushed and scared sounding, "I'm not going to jail. It wasn't me who fucking killed her! You can't let them take me, I won't go!"

Shit, I thought. That was my last thought though, the next voice made me lose all sense of reason.

"Please, let me go," Neela said, and I could hear the panic and fear in her voice, I could hear her sobbing softly. I pushed the door open, sort of going for the element of surprise -though truthfully I wasn't thinking about anything. One thought was in my head, and one thought only. I can't let Neela get hurt.

There was a young guy, holding Neela to him with one arm, pointing a gun at her with the other. Tears were rolling down her face, and he looked scared shitless. Another time I might have felt sorry for him, but he was holding Neela at gun point, there could be no sympathy. Gallant was standing a safe distance away, he'd been trying to reason with the guy. Probably the safe, sensible way to do it. But I couldn't just stand there when I heard Neela's voice, so scared. I ran towards them, going for the gun. I managed to pull his arm back so the gun was away from Neela. I heard her footsteps as she ran across the room. Then I felt a sudden pain in my chest, and in my stomach. Then I heard the bangs.

"Ray!" I heard her scream, before I collapsed to the floor. My vision went black.

I don't know whether it was minutes or seconds later but my eyes fluttered open and I saw her standing over me, tears rolling down her face, "Oh god, please Ray, don't die. Please, don't leave me."

"I won't leave you Roomie," I said with a small laugh before unconsciousness took me once more. I wished I knew that for sure.

**A/NUm... I know this was shorter than usual, but it was um, pretty action packed. So I hope that's alright... I really really hope you liked... please review!**


	13. Neela, the long awaited

**A/N Hey there dudes and dudettes! **

**This chapter is being posted now, rather than tomorrow, _as I had planned! _Because Butterflywest are holding a Cereal Aisle chapter hostage! I couldn't have that, could I? And also! Everyone is mega pleading for an update. Hey, I'm a sucker for flattery, thanks Kat! So thank you for all your reviews and many, many lovely PM's! And Butterflywest, you better get posting, quick!**

**This chapter is a little different form my previous ones, because it is split into two parts. That's because I had two lyric bits that I just could not chose between. So I thought I'd just put them both in! Hope you like...**

Chapter 13- Neela

"_She lay in bed all night watching the morning change,_

_She lay in bed all night watching the colours change,_

_She lay in bed all night watching the colours change into green_

_and gold."_

-Belle and Sebastian "Beautiful"

I couldn't breathe. I felt trapped in here. I was bloody trapped in here. They wouldn't let me out. I couldn't sleep, I know that's what they wanted, but I couldn't sleep. Not when I didn't know... Luka had pulled me out of the room, I was screaming hysterically, I wasn't even crying any more -just screaming. He took me here, one of the exam rooms. I couldn't even recognise it. I don't know whether it was hours or minutes later but Abby came in. I guess it must have been a while since she had been at home. All I could say was;

"How is he? What are they doing? What's happening?"

She tried to sit me down, but I couldn't stop pacing. She said I was in shock, that I'd had a traumatic experience and I needed to rest. I just repeated my questions. She sighed, "He was shot twice Neela... they're operating on him now."

"Who is? Albright? It should be Dubenko, he's more qualified," I was speaking so quickly, with exaggerated and gestures as I paced.

"Neela," she said, coming over to me and pinning my arms to my side. "He is getting the best care in this hospital. He _is _one of us. Even Weaver was working on him in trauma. But right now I'm worried about you."

"I'm fine, I just... Abby..." After that I collapsed against her and she helped me to the bed. My eyes were dry, but I was sobbing. I couldn't sleep.

But I guess I must have, because the next thing I knew Abby was shaking me awake, a smile on her face.

"He's out of surgery, he's going to be alright. They're very hopeful."

Tears began rolling down my cheeks, "Are you sure?"

She smiled, "Yes, I'm sure."

I hugged her, mumbling into her shoulder; "I almost lost him. It's all my fault."

"He's fine Neela. He's going to be alright. It isn't your fault. Don't worry," she said comfortingly.

I wiped my eyes and tried to smile. "I was so scared."

"I know, it must have been terrifying."

I laughed, "Abby, I'm not even talking about being held at gun point. I was more frightened I was going to loose Ray. How stupid is that?"

"It's not stupid Neela, but I do think it proves something."

I nodded, "I know. Is Michael still here?"

"Yes, he was giving a statement to the police and then he wanted to see what happened, and wait for you."

"I need to talk to him."

"I'll send him in," she said, with an encouraging smile. "Just tell him the truth Neela. I think deep down, he probably already knows."

I sat on the bed, waiting for my husband. All I could think of was my room-mate, lying upstairs somewhere. He had risked his life for mine. He'd gotten shot, to save me. He had saved my life, and he'd been willing to give up his own life for mine. I owed it to him to be truthful. But I had to be truthful to Michael first. I couldn't treat Michael that way, he'd only ever been kind to me, but I also could not live this lie any more. It just wasn't fair.

"Neela." I turned to the door and saw Michael standing there. "I was so worried... god..."

"I'm alright Michael, really. It was just shock." I looked at him, he was certainly handsome. And he was a good, kind, loving man. Whoever fell for him next would be a lucky woman. He deserved someone to love him properly, I knew I would hurt him, but in the end he would be happier. I knew that now, this was the only way we could all be happy. Maybe not at first, but in the end... I hoped he would find someone who was as good as him. I knew he would.

"Neela, we don't have to talk now."

"No, we do." I sighed, "I love you Michael, you are one of the most kindest, sweetest people I have ever known. I was so honoured that you wanted me to be your wife. But I'm just not that person, I'm not a soldier's wife." He tried to speak, but I held up my hand, "Please let me finish. One day I know you will find someone who will love you as much as you deserve, in the right way. You have been one of my best friends over the time we have known each other, and I will always love you. I just can't love you as a wife. I'm sorry."

He opened his mouth a few times, as if he wanted to say something, but couldn't. Finally he said; "I thought we had... we were... I thought we had so much."

"We did. It's just not... me."

"Well what is? We have a house, we both have steady, rewarding jobs, we love each other... I don't understand what else you want."

"We love each other, but not in the right way. I love you as a great friend, but not a husband. I wish I did. I really do, but I can't help what I feel. You're the sensible choice, Michael, you always do the right thing, I know you would always love me, care for me. I know you would never hurt me. But sometimes... sometimes you just feel something and you have to act on your feelings, not what your head thinks. Not what you think you should do, just what you have to do, because you want it too much to let it go."

"You mean him don't you."

I sighed, "I mean a lot of things. I never wanted to leave Chicago or County. But yes, Ray's accident has put my... feelings in proportion. I've realised I can't go on lying, to either of you."

"So, because I didn't jump in front of a gun like an idiot, you pick him. He got shot Neela, he could have got you shot! He was a fool."

"I didn't pick him over you, and it wasn't about him jumping in front of the gun."

"You just said it was."

"No, I said his accident, I meant that I almost lost him. He could have died, and he never would have known how much I care about him. I'm sorry Michael, I didn't want to have to go into that with you, I know you don't want to hear it."

"I do Neela, I want to see how he has charmed you. What, is he better in bed or something?"

I didn't know what to say. I knew he would be hurt, but I really had thought we could have both been adults about it. Obviously not.

"I have never slept with him. I've never even kissed him. Do you really think that? That I would cheat on you? If you do... why the hell did you marry me?"

"Because I love you. I don't want this to happen. Why..." he trailed off, as if he didn't know what he wanted to know.

"I don't know why Michael, I don't why we weren't meant to be together. Maybe it's fate or God or something, I just don't know. All I know is that you and I, we've had beautiful times together, memories that I will always, always cherish." I wasn't going to get childish and retaliate with personal put downs like he had. I still loved him, I still wanted him to be my friend when this was over. I hoped that one day we could overcome this.

"What do you want then, a divorce?" he said, sounding hurt.

I just nodded. There was no need to speak.

He rubbed his fingers in his temples. "I wish we could still be happy."

"We will be. We just won't be married."

"If this was the first mention of this, I wouldn't let you do this. I'd say you were in shock," he sighed, "But it's not. I've known that something wasn't right. I can say that much."

"I know Michael."

"I knew from... before our anniversary. Hell... I knew before that you had feelings for him. I just thought, when you moved with me... that you had more for me."

"I'm sorry."

"I know." He walked towards the door, saying quietly, "I know." When he reached the door he turned and looked at me, as if he was trying to create a memory of me. "I love you Neela. For that reason alone am I letting you go. I want you to be happy... so for god sake, tell him to take care of you."

I got up and hugged him, I knew how hard it must have been for him to say that. "Thank you Michael, thank you for everything."

He nodded then pulled away. "I don't think I'll be able to cope seeing you... not too soon anyway. I hope one day we can be friends again. But right now, I can't, I'm sorry. I'll be going back to Texas, and we still have the house for a week. If you want to go and pack all your stuff, I won't be there."

"I understand. I hope we can be friends too. I _will _always love you."

"I'll always love you too," he said, before walking out the door. I stood in the doorway and watched him walk away, he didn't look back.

"_Even if you can not hear my voice,_

_I'll be right beside you dear."_

_-_Snow Patrol "Run"

Abby took me upstairs, to Ray's room. When I walked in, my knees went weak. He looked so pale. Wires were coming out of him, machines were beeping. I knew that I knew what they were, but I couldn't think of anyone, but the figure lying motionless in the bed.

"Oh God," I breathed, walking to the chair next to him and collapsing into it. "Hey Roomie."

"I'll leave you to it," Abby said, still in the door way. "Hey Barnett, you better take good care of her. Otherwise you'll have me and Jasmyn to tangle with." She smiled, then walked out of the room.

"You gave me a bloody scare. What the hell do you think you were doing, running in front of a bloody gun? You're an idiot you know?" I paused and took his hand. "I told Michael that I don't love him any more, not as his wife anyway. It seems we're getting a divorce. You better get well soon so you can help me through that. I'm going to need you. I need you now. Please wake up soon." I gave a small laugh, "I feel like a right idiot sitting here, talking to myself. Who am I meant to argue with and nag now?"

A nurse came in, and began checking his vitals. "He's doing fine," she informed me, "He's a real fighter."

"God, don't I know it. I have to bloody live with him." I knew I had a stupid grin plastered across my face, but I didn't care what I must look like. I was too glad not to show it. "Thank you for saving my life. It was very brave of you, but stupid as hell. And don't you dare do anything like that, ever again. I wouldn't be able to cope. You know I'll only tell you this while you're under, but I was messed up. I was more scared of losing you than I had been when that idiot was holding a gun at me. He was only a kid you know, he was in a car accident, knocked some girl over. He's definitely going to jail now, of course. I thought he was going to shoot me, but you saved me. You're like my knight in shining armour. Well, rusty armour perhaps."

**A/N So? Did you like? Realistic? Sweet end bit? Sad? What? Please tell me in your reviews! And that last line about rusty armour is dedicated to Ryan (even though he probably won't read this) as he was once _my _knight in rusty armour! Hehe. Review please!**


	14. Ray, all that fate crap

**A/N I know the song bit for this is a tad long, but I just couldn't work out the bits to cut! I mean, the whole song goes with this chapter and Ray's feelings. I think, anyway! Hope you like!**

Chapter 14- Ray

"_I've caught myself smiling alone, Just thinking of your voice,_

_I'm dreaming of your touch, It's all too much,_

_You know I don't have any choice, Don't say you love me,_

_Unless forever, Don't tell me you need me,_

_If you're not going to stay, Don't give me this feeling,_

_I'll only believe it,_

_Make it real, or take it all away."_

_-_The Corrs "Don't Say You Love Me"

"...Going to shoot me, but you saved me. You're like my knight in shining armour. Well, rusty armour perhaps." As I began to wake up, I heard Neela talking. She was alright -she hadn't been hurt by my stupidity. Her voice was beautiful, sweet, I could listen to it all day. I couldn't let her get away with that comment though.

"Hey, why rusty armour?" I asked croakily.

Her eyes widened with shock, "Oh my god, Ray. You bloody scared me. How long have you been awake?"

I cleared my throat, not that it really helped, "I just woke up, honest. Why, what have you been saying?" I asked with raised eyebrows.

She shook her head, "Still making innuendos after you've been shot? What does it take to stop you?"

"I'm invincible."

"You could have told me that before, I was really worried."

I squeezed her hand, which was already in mine, "I'm sorry." Then I added, worriedly, "You didn't get hurt did you?"

She laughed, "No, I'm fine. You however got shot twice. They had to operate. Aparantly, Weaver was head of the trauma room."

I smiled, "Me and Weaver reached an understanding today, or yesterday... what day is it?"

She raised her eyebrows but didn't say anything. "You've been out for a while, but I was drugged up too, so I'm not sure how long exactly. It's Sunday night now."

"Why were you drugged?"

"They had to calm me down, I was hysterical. Only sleeping pills though, nothing too bad."

"Hysterical over me?" I asked with a grin.

"Who else could get shot trying to do something brave."

"Aw, that hurts Neela, I was trying to save your life."

"You did, thank you." Her eyes told me there was so much more that she wanted to tell me than that simple thank you. But she couldn't. Oh great, we were just back to square one.

"Where's Michael?" I asked, stonily. I wasn't going to let myself fall again. I'd gotten shot because of her, surely that was a sign to stay away. I seemed to be into the fate, signs thing recently.

"He... left."

"Oh?"

"I'll tell you more later. But I have to do something first."

"What?"

"You'll see," she said, with a grin. Why was she so happy? When I was so bloody miserable, what right did she have to be happy? Oh I was bitter. I should just be thankful I was alive, I had taken a huge risk, a stupid risk. For her.

"Right..." I trailed off, not knowing what to say.

"Talking of which, I'd better go."

"You're leaving?" I said, my voice all whiny without me meaning it to be. I couldn't control myself.

"Yup, 'fraid so. I have to go... get something. I'll be back though. I promise."

"Alright. If you promise."

"I promise," she said, leaving the room.

She was gone again. But this time she'd promised to come back. Did I want her to? I'd said before that I wanted her out of my life. That was before I'd gone and got shot trying to save her. Because I'd thought she was going to get hurt, and I knew I couldn't bare that. And if she had... died -I would never have gotten over that. But _I_ almost died. And she'd been hysterical about it.

I wondered what she was going to get. Was it something to do with me? No, it was probably a change of clothes or something boring like that. She said she'd come back. I wanted her to comeback. I liked being around her too much for her not to. I was like a kid, wanting just five minutes more before bed time. I just needed a little more time with Neela. A little more time and I could give her up, couldn't I? If I just had a little more time, a few more memories, I could cope without her.

Who was I kidding?

I couldn't cope without her. Before I'd known her, I'd thought I'd been coping, but only barely. When she came into my life, moved into my apartment, she'd begun to change me. Yes, she had brought out the better person in me. I was still me, cocky, funny -so I thought- a rocker, but I was better. I was a better doctor, I was more considerate. Hell, I was even cleaner. When she'd left, I'd gone back to barely coping. Yeah, this time I'd thought I was doing better, but I was just drifting, not living. I didn't enjoy anything any more, apart from my gigs, and even those had been... mellow -compared to how they had once seemed. Then she came back, and it was like getting the colour back. Everything seemed better, even the mundane stuff like grocery shopping. Because I could think "oh, Neela might use that." I was finally admitting it to myself. I needed Neela. I wanted Neela. I loved Neela. Without her I was a shadow, with her I could be me. The me I wanted to be.

But I knew I could never be truly with her. She was married, and she was relocating soon, moving from Chicago again. Away from me. I'd have to go back to my black and white life soon, but while she was still here I wanted to savour the colours.

I kept drifting in and out of sleep, through the waves of pain I would get every time the painkillers started dying down. Abby, Luka, Weaver, Jerry, Sam, Brett and Matt all came to visit. But Neela didn't come back.

Abby and Jasmyn were visiting, on the Tuesday. They had brought me some grapes, Jasmyn had presented me with them then promptly asked, "Me one?"

I passed her the bag with a chuckle, trying not to move too much. She sat on the floor and began to make her way through the bunch.

"Have you heard from Neela?" I asked.

"She's in_(insert name of town)_. She's only been gone two days, not even that," Abby said. Then she added with a coy grin, "Why, do you miss her?"

"Yes," I said, I couldn't be bothered lying any more.

She looked shocked. "My my, Barnett, you being honest about your feelings?"

I shrugged.

She nodded, "Well, it's about bloody time, to coin a Neela phrase. You two have been humming and hawing for longer than Jasmyn's been alive!"

"I don't see her making any confessions."

She just gave me a look that said, just-you-wait. "Come on Jasmyn, we'll leave the rest of those grapes for Ray."

Jasmyn looked stricken, her mouth bulging with grapes.

"She can keep them, a present from Wray," I said.

She smiled at me, " 'Ank you Wray," she mumbled, after a look from Abby. She came and gave me a sloppy kiss. Then she put her hands on her hips, "Don't be silly again Wray, guns not toys."

I laughed, "I know, I'm sorry."

"Wow, her first lecture, I'm proud," Abby said, with a grin. "Come on Jazz."

They walked out, and I closed my eyes, about to sleep. "Yeah Wray, guns are not toys!"

My eyes snapped open, Neela was standing in the door way, a grin plastered across her face.

"Shut up," I muttered.

She came and sat next to me, "How are you feeling?"

"Like crap," I said, then I saw what she wearing. "Hey that's my..." I trailed off. She was wearing the t-shirt I'd given her, when she'd left Chicago. Which, hey, meant she'd at least opened it. But why was she wearing it now?

She plucked at it, "Are you sure? I mean, how could you tell it isn't mine?"

I grinned, it was a black t-shirt with some bands logos on it. Not particularly a Neela thing. "It's a bit big for you."

"Good for sleeping in," she said. Then she looked at me, seriously.

"What?"

She smiled, just a small one. "I want to tell you something. That's why I had to go and get this, plus the rest of my stuff."

"What do you mean?" I asked, my eyebrows raised.

"God," she said with a laugh, "If I'm going to say this you need to not interrupt."

"Sorry."

"It's alright. So, I had to get this t-shirt before I could say this to you, because it kind of means a lot to me. And to us."

Us? I thought, there was an us?

"I never said thank you for this. Truthfully, I never opened it until... well not very long ago. I knew what it was, and I was running away from it."

"It's just a t-shirt," I said quietly, unable to remain quiet and not quiet believing what she seemed to be saying.

"Thanks Ray," she said with a smile, "I'm pouring my heart out and you tell me it's all over just a t-shirt? Look, I know that... when I moved out, it was a long time ago I know. But I need to explain to you why I did it. I never told you did I?" She didn't wait for me to reply, just continued. Finally, my unasked questions were being answered. "I was running from you. Running away because I couldn't cope with what I felt for you. I couldn't cope with the fact I would rather spend time with you than anyone else, it didn't even matter what we were doing. I realised it that day, when I was talking to Dubenko, and I told him "All I want to do is go home and watch poker with my room-mate," or something like that. My husband was in Iraq, but all I wanted to do was have a few beers with you."

"Neela..."

"Why won't anyone let me talk recently? Ray, I need to just say this. I know that I made out it was your fault, that your feelings were why I moved out. It wasn't, they weren't. It was mine, it was the fact I didn't know whether I would be able to control myself. That's why I couldn't take the t-shirt that time, I knew that it would mean admitting my feelings -and that was wrong." She took a breath. "When I left Chicago, I was happy, because it meant I didn't have to see you at work, knowing I wouldn't be able to hang out with you... But I knew soon that I would have done anything just to see you one more time.. god, I know it's stupid."

"Neela," I interrupted her, "I felt the same."

She looked at me, "You _felt _the same?" She asked, stressing the past tense.

"I feel the same. But you know that. I jumped in front of a gun, I thought that would pretty much make my feelings obvious. You however..."

"You want me to jump in front of a gun?" She said with a grin.

"Please don't. I would like some... confirmation though. What is it exactly that you were running from?"

"I was running for two years from it. I don't know if I'm ready to confess it," she said seriously.

"Oh, well... that's alright... I mean," I said, trailing off. Then I saw she had a grin plastered across her face, "What?"

She leaned forward, so she was hovering above me, "What I wanted to say was thank you for the t-shirt, thank you for asking me to move in with you -that first time, and the second, thank you for saving my life, more times than you'll probably ever know. Thank you Roomie."

She bent closer to me, so her mouth was millimetres over mine, she smiled at me, her eyes glowing. Then she closed the gap between us, and she was kissing me. All I could feel was her lips on mine, and it felt so good. I moaned into her lips, with relief. I'd wanted to kiss her for so long, and this was... _so _worth the wait. Except I couldn't move, I couldn't lean up towards her, because I was lying down. I took hold of her t-shirt, my t-shirt and pulled her on top of me, it hurt like hell but god was it worth it.

"Are you alright?" she asked, pulling away, looking worried. "We probably shouldn't..."

"Do I look like I care?" I asked, interrupting her, she grinned and I pulled her back down to me.

"I love you, Wray," she said, giggling against my lips.

"I love you too, Neena."

Hey, I didn't believe in all thatsigns crapanyway.

**A/N Can I just say; _finally! _How long did this take ey? LOL I hope you guys liked it. Sweet enough? Fluffy enough? Eek! Only 2 more chapters to go... **

**p.s Does anyone know when (month wise) Neela and Gallant actually got married?**


	15. Neela, you're my number one

**A/N Now, with this chapters song choice, I have nothing against S Club 7, hey as I said before every single song I've featured is on my mp3! But, there is no denying that they're cheesy pop. So, hence me referring to them as such, in this chapter. And let's be honest, I highly doubt they'd be Ray's thing. But you shall see more as you read...**

Chapter 15- Neela

"_You're, you're my number one,_

_With you I know I belong,_

_I put the radio on and it's always playing our song!"_

Two weeks after my "confession" and Ray was allowed home. He should really have been in longer, but I'd pulled some strings after he'd given me puppy dog eyes and told me he'd prefer my cooking to hospital food which was obviously a blatant lie. So I'd talked to Kerry, and I'd taken leave as well as signing up for a permanent post. County was my home, I was glad to be back. So as I, a qualified doctor, would be taking care of him, Ray was allowed home. To _our_ home.

We'd both given our statements to the police and it looked like the guy was going to Juvie, and then probably onto prison once he turned 18. I felt sorry for him, he was scared and had made a stupid decision. Of course when I told Ray that he'd pouted at me;

"He shot me twice and you feel sorry for him?" He'd asked from his new favourite position, sprawled across the whole couch.

"Yes, I mean if he hadn't have shot you, I might never have told you how I feel," I'd replied, smiling.

"Ah now that is a good thing. Gee, do you think I should thank him?" Ray had said with a grin as he pulled me down onto the couch.

So that was my new favourite place to be, sitting on Ray's lap as we watched whatever junk was on. His arms round me, my head leaning against him, lightly so as not to hurt him. I'd do chores, cook, shop -whatever needed to be done- and my reward would be sitting there with him, knowing that I was allowed. It was such a relief to know that he felt the same way about me, that we could laugh about our stupidity in taking such a long time to actually admit anything to each other. We'd kiss, and it was amazing, but we didn't even need to kiss, just be near each other. I was savouring him, letting myself realise that finally, I was his and he was mine.

I knew I should be sad about Michael. And I was, when I'd gone to clear out our old house I'd cried for what could never have been. But I knew that this was the only way we'd be happy, in the long run perhaps, but eventually we'd all be happy. He deserved someone who would treasure him as much as he had treasured me, and I couldn't do that when I was in love with another man.

One day when I came back from grocery shopping I found Brett on the sofa with him. "Hey Dr Neela," he said as I walked in.

"Hey Roomie," Ray called.

"Hello," I said back, "Brett can you help me with the bags."

"I'm not your slave Dr Neela," he said, feigning outrage, but he got up and began unpacking things.

"Aw, you know you love to help me out really."

"Yeah, I do have a secret passion for unloading groceries it must be said," he said with a wink. Then he pulled out an old polaroid camera, "Oh what's this?"

I smiled, "I got it second hand, I've always wanted one."

"Cool," he said with a grin, "You can take pictures of our gigs! When Ray actually gets off his ass and starts playing again."

"I have to rest!" Ray shouted back, "Doctor's orders! I got shot, is that not enough?"

"To sell out on practise? Nope!" Brett called through, "Talking of which, I must bid you goodbye."

"It's bid you adieu," I said, shaking my head.

"Whatever, practise calls. Some of us actually work for a living."

All I heard as Brett went out was Ray's laughter. I walked through, "Hello you. How are you feeling?"

"All the better for seeing you," he said with a grin.

"Oh that was cheesy."

"I do try," he replied, still grinning. "What've you got?"

"A polaroid camera. I've always wanted one."

"Cool, come and show me."

I went and sat next to him in the space Brett had left. I passed him the camera.

"Oh, fancy."

"It really isn't."

"Let me take a picture of you!" he said with a child-like smile.

I grabbed the camera, "No way, no how." He pouted and gave me puppy dog eyes.

"But I need something to remember you by when you go out."

"Shut up, you're such a weirdo."

"Mmm," he said, nodding, "It's the lack of exercise that's doing it."

"What exercise do you normally do?" I scoffed. He wiggled his eyebrows suggestively , "Oh, shut up!"

"Can we take a picture together then?"

"Fine... if we must," I said, leaning into him. I handed him the camera since he had longer arms, he stretched it away from us and I lent my head on his shoulder.

"Smile beautiful," he said, before the flash went off, blinding me.

"Ow," I said, still leaning on his shoulder.

"Mmm," he replied. "This is nice. I like you leaning on me."

"Well I like leaning on you so I guess we're lucky." I knew I was lucky. I was finally with the man I had loved from afar for so long, I just couldn't help being happy. At least both of us were being ridiculous about it though, rather than just me. Even Jasmyn had noticed it, she'd asked me; "Why Wray and Neena smiling, Mommy buy you new toys?"

Suddenly a thought occurred to me, "Oh Ray, you know what we need?"

He groaned, "You're not going out again, what is it this time? Haven't you bought the entire shop already?"

"Shut up, no we need a song. If we want to be like the cheesy film couples, we have to have a song."

"Since when are we a cheesy film couple?"

"Oh I think that; "all the better for seeing you" was distinctly French." He gave me a weird look so I was forced to elaborate, "You know that really smelly French cheese? Look, it's just something we used to say..."

"You know what, you're beautiful but slightly mental."

"Thanks. So, a song we must have," I got up and switched the radio on. Heavy metal or something filled the room. "How romantic," I said, changing the channel. The last bars of some cheesy pop song came on, then another one started. It was an S Club 7 number, from the 90's. "Oh I know this one," I said with a grin, then sang as the chorus began; "You're, you're my number one!"

"Oh god, please tell me you're not serious?" Ray said, his face a picture of pain.

"I'd do anything for you!" I sang, walking towards him, "Catch the rain from the sky, even hold back the tides for you!" I sat on his lap, so I was almost straddling him.

"Please tell me you're joking. This can not be our song -if we have to have a song, it can't be this."

"Aw, it has to be, it's so perfect," I said, grinning stupidly, then singing; "I know I've never felt like this, you're like a drug you've got me wanting more!"

"Seriously, stop, please, I'm an not in full health, I can't cope!"

I fluttered my eyelashes and leaned closer to him, "That really is a shame."

He looked at me in mock horror, "Now Dr Rasgotra, what on earth are you insinuating?"

"Hey, it wasn't me that said you needed to get more exercise."

He laughed, "That is true... but can we please turn this song off? It's killing me here."

I got up and switched the radio off. "Yeah, it was a bit... nineties."

"Yeah. So," he said, raising his eyebrows, "About your previous offer?"

I grinned, "Mmm, what about it?"

"I have but one thing to say, my place or yours?"

"You're such an idiot, but you're pretty cute as well. Um, my place it's probably cleaner."

"True." I helped him up.

"You sure you're um... ready?" I asked. I wasn't sure if I was, it was a big step, I mean Ray and I- wanted us to be serious, not some... one night stand.

He leaned on me, "Neela, we waited more than two years before we told each other we liked each other. We need to keep it moving."

I grinned, "Well, when you put it that way."

"I do, I couldn't wait two years, could you?"

By this time we were at my room and he sat on the bed. "No, are you sure though?"

"Neela, I love you, of course I'm sure!"

"I know, I mean... health wise. You have recently been shot."

He grinned, "I'm sure you'll take care of me." He shuffled back, wincing a little, before making himself comfortable against the pillows. "You have a nice bed," he said, closing his eyes.

"Oi!" I said, getting on. He opened his eyes and grinned at me.

"Sorry, sorry." He sat up a little and pulled off his t-shirt, slowly. I would have thought he was doing it deliberately to be annoying had his chest not had two huge gauze patches on it.

God, I thought to myself, why is that so _sexy? _He was like Leonardo Di Caprio in "Romeo and Juliet"when he'd gotten shot by Tybalt, except the rocker, tattooed version... ok he didn't exactly look like Leonardo, but the effect was the same.

"What?" he asked.

"Nothing."

"You're staring at me."

"Yes, I am. Is that not allowed?" I said with a smile.

"Not unless I have something to stare at too," he said, with a smile.

I rolled my eyes and unbuttoned my shirt. He looked at me as if he was drinking me in. "What?" I asked, in the same manner he had.

He looked at my face, grinning, "I'm savouring the colours." I had a moment to think _what the hell? _Before he was kissing me, fiercely. I melted into him. _Finally_, I thought, _about bloody time._

**A/N Hope you guys liked, please review, this the _penultimate _chapter. AH! And I am sorry, you guys will probably wish I'd finished it last chapter, I'm just no good at all this fluff! Darn it!**


	16. Ray, Merry Christmas baby

**A/N sob sob this is the last chapter... oh no! What am I going to do without it? Well, I shall tell you. One word; sequel! Lol, yup, I've got my plans already. But it won't be for a few weeks as I'm off to Greece! YEY! Lol, I'll probably take a notebook and write it all up. Or, I might work on this new idea that is forming. It started with all the reviews saying how everyone loved Jasmyn (aw me too) and then reading a few Luby's. And I don't know... it may be something or nothing, but I might end up extending my repertoire and doing a Luby. Not sure... anyway! Back to the lovely Reela! Lol **

**Also, if anyone is interested in reading/posting their Reela fics elsewhere, I was recently e-mailed about this new Shane West forum place, where you can post your stories. E-mail me for more info, as I don't have it right now.**

**Oh and thanks to everyone who said Neela and Gallant were probably married about November time. I am just going to pretend that it was more early October, to suit my time purposes -it is an AU after all. (Basically they're anniversary and the beginning of this story was early October, this is now December.)**

Chapter 16- Ray

"_So Happy Christmas, I love you baby,_

_I can see a better time,_

_when all our dreams come true."_

-Kirsty MacColl and the Pogues "Fairytale of New York"

It was Christmas Eve when I finally got to perform again, after only a few last minute practises. As with everything Brett organised, it was completely last minute and I'd only just been granted a full bill of health. I was happy though, Neela was coming. And for the first time ever, she would be there _with me. _Properly with me. A few other people from work were coming too, Luka and Abby -they'd managed to get a babysitter for the ever gorgeous Jazz, Smith, and even Morris had come back for a reunion. It was weird, but I was actually kind of glad to see him. He'd arrived at the ER in a Jag, wearing a suit. Somehow I thought he might have employed a personal shopper.

"Hey man, I heard you got shot."

"Yeah," I said, laughing, "Twice. I was saving Neela's life."

He grinned, "Yeah I also heard she thanked you for it."

"You could say that," I said, walking down the corridor, Then I turned back as an after thought, "Hey Morris, I've got a gig tonight, wanna come?"

He looked so honoured, I was glad I'd invited him. God only knows what he'd be wearing though.

I looked out from backstage but of course all I could see were lights. I wondered where they'd all be. I wondered if Neela would be near the front. I hoped she would, I had a surprise for her.

"Hey, you nervous or something?" Brett asked, walking up to me with a beer.

"Um... sort of. I haven't played in a while."

"Ri-ight, nothing to do with Neela then?"

I laughed, nervously, "No, of course not. When has my music got anything to do with Neela?"

"Since forever. And especially last practise when you asked us to do that song."

I grinned, "That's a present for me."

"Sure it is," he said, before walking off again.

I shook my head. They knew me too well. I was so... happy recently. Just so content. I was with Neela, and she was happy being with me. Seriously, what more did a guy need? She was the first woman I'd fallen in love with, the one that had gotten away, she was also the one that had come back. And since she had, I felt ridiculously cheesy. I couldn't help it, I'd do these things -sort of to be ironic- because I knew she'd like it, it'd make her laugh. It was like us sharing a private joke. Finally, we could have private jokes. We were a proper couple. I could go out there after my show and pull her on the dance floor, buy her a drink, talk to her all night if I wanted. Because she was mine. I'd always been hers, but now she was mine as well.

"Ready Barnett?" Matt asked as we started onto the stage.

"As I'll ever be," I said, grinning.

"Alright!" Brett shouted into the mic. "How you all doing?"

The crowed whooped and cheered. I looked across them. I could see Abby, Luka, Smith and Morris sitting at a group of tables, but no Neela. My heart jumped into my throat before I saw her, in the middle of the crowd grinning at me. She gave me a cute little wave and I smiled back.

We played a couple of opening songs, and I had to tear my eyes away from her every now and again to check my notes and stuff, but all I wanted to do was look at her. She was beautiful. Her hair was down, framing her face, and she was wearing a t-shirt I'd helped her customise and a black skirt. She was perfect -as always.

"So, as most of you lot all know -being the avid fans you are- this is Ray's first gig after he got shot, being an idiot," Brett said, after a song. "But as a welcome back present he asked us to play this song. It's not my personal choice, but he's a buddy."

"Thanks man," I said, stepping up to my mic, "Yeah, I'm afraid this was my idea and we haven't had much time to practise but hopefully it'll turn out alright!" The crowd cheered and I grinned. Then I began singing; "What is love, 'cause baby I don't know..."

It was me and Neela's song. Well, we'd never gotten round to actually deciding a song -we'd gotten slightly distracted, but this was as good as we had. Of course I'd rocked it up, a lot. But it was more us that way. I looked over at her and she had a wide smile. She began mouthing the words, as well as bobbing her head.

Brett rolled his eyes at me as we launched into the chorus, but the crowd were loving it so he couldn't complain; "You're, you're my number one, I'd do anything for you, catch the rain from the sky, even hold back the tide for you..."

After the set I made my way up front, searching for Neela. She grinned at me and got up, giving me her seat. I pulled her down on my lap. Yeah, that was another good thing about being an official couple.

"I loved our song. Much better version."

"Thanks," I said smiling, and kissing her. "You must be my muse or something."

"You're getting cheesier by the minute!" she said, looking outraged.

"I know, I can't help it. We'll have to do something about it, sometime."

"Yeah, it'll get on my nerves soon, but right now it's pretty cute." She grinned at me, "Happy Christmas, by the way."

"It's not midnight yet."

"Nope, but near enough."

"Our first Christmas together," I said, with a smile.

Abby laughed, "You two are terrible. I'm going to throw up in a minute if you don't stop."

Luka pulled her into his arms, "Leave 'em alone, at least they're not still edging round each other."

"You're right, now _that _was annoying. I had them both coming to me; _Abby, I don't think she likes me any more, Abby what can I do, help me Abby,_" she said, feigning whiny voices.

"I'm always right," Luka said, laughing.

"Don't you two start as well," Caroline said as they looked at each other.

"Start what?" Abby said.

"You were you know... mooning over each other. Like them," she pointed at me and Neela.

I grinned, "See, you're no better Dr Lockhart."

"Shut up Barnett."

"Or what?"

"Or I won't tell you what Luka and I decided."

"Oh what?" Neela asked, she was nosey.

Luka grinned at Abby, "Well, we decided that since you two have _finally _gotten together, and you're such good babysitters, well, we were wondering if you would like to be Jasmyn's godparents. I know we're not the most religious family but... we thought it would be nice, if she had someone to look up to, apart from us obviously."

"We'd be honoured," Neela said, and I nodded.

"Yeah, we would. Thank you. And yes we will do some more babysitting, as is our duty," I said with a grin.

"Good," Abby said.

"Poor kid," Brett said, "All her supposed role models are bloody doctors."

"Bloody?" Neela asked, teasingly, "I'm rubbing off on you too now Brett."

"God, I knew it wouldn't be long before I turned British. Hey, do you think chicks will dig the accent?"

I rolled my eyes at him and Neela whispered, "Hey, come outside with me for a minute."

I nodded and followed her to the door. It was snowing. "Wow it's going to be a white Christmas."

"When is it not a white Christmas in Chicago? It snows here constantly."

"So, why have you dragged me outside? Want to take advantage of me or something?"

"In the snow?" she asked with raised eyebrows. "No, it's almost midnight, I wanted to wish you Merry Christmas."

I grinned, "You already did that."

"I know, but I wanted to give you my present."

"Oh?" I said, intrigued, "And what present would this be?"

She took a small parcel from her handbag, "It's not all of your present, but some of it." She handed it to me, "I hope you like it."

"I will," I said, opening the paper. It was a deck of cards, that she'd had custom made. "Bloody hell..." I said, taking them out of the box, "I didn't even know you could do this!"

"I have my ways," she said, cryptically. "Do you like them? I thought we could actually start playing poker now, rather than just watching it.

I looked at the cards, the suits were plectrums, musical notes, stethoscopes and of course hearts. On the back of each was the picture I'd taken with the polaroid, of her leaning on my shoulder, I had the same photo framed on my chest of drawers, but this was better.

"I love them," I said, pulling her to me, "They're fantastic. You're fantastic Neela."

She looked up at me, and it started to snow. Bells began ringing out from somewhere, letting us know it was midnight and officially Christmas.

"Merry Christmas Roomie," she said, going up on tip toes to kiss me.

**A/N I know this was kinda short, but it was an ending chapter, sweet fluff really. I hope you liked it, and I hoped you like the story as a whole. But most of all, I hope you'll review! And I hope you'll tell me what you think of a sequel? If no-one's interested I won't post it. But I do have a multitude of ideas, both fluff and angst!**


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